Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Fourteen (July Pleasures)

Boston to Florida, wide body flight.
Twelve hundred fifty eight miles - excited
Blonde hair, strong and stalky, she’s right for me
Pleasure at horse ranch off Tamiami

Size six warm satin-like foot soles - pounding
Femoral stroke, knee-crotch draw up – heightened
Pounding and more pounding - suddenly numb
Shizammadammazippidydooda !

Out of the love-nest newly born hatch-ling
Cow pasture, backseat - disinterested
Repetition - orgasmic vagaries
Old man, young man - weighted as a Brahma

Awake asleep, knocked out deep – cushioned tray
Eastern Airlines, Boston found, homeward bound
Would there be blame. a child with no last name?
“Worry? She said. Was done in a hurry.”

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing stage: 
Contest: 

Comments

This one is off the charts, well written and following the directions perfectly. No question in my mind why this would be your best July. Wow, I barely remember my "Fourteen".

I'm still laughing,

Marthalyn

Great write in so many important ways Mark; with a great central theme but also multi vectoral culturally, the way you pulled from the Hindus. Broadly, eloquent and strangely evocative of Hemingway !!!!!

You can teach the mechanics, but you need real talent to write a masterpiece. It's been mentioned in the past that you sound like Jack Kerouac and now Hemingway. You are a great writer of the 20th century and I love it. Keep writing the excellent way you do. You've got everything you need . Fly up to the sky you've got what it takes. You are a master.

B9Pat

easy to get the whole story into so few lines! Make no mistake, what we write is a story. A bundle of thoughts that we arrange into a tale to be told. I don't often give such huge compliments as the others have, but I will say, that you seem to have excited my sense of great expectation. Nice job! ~ Geezer.
.

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

Compression of story calls for a rigid outline. There was a lot more to that trip that would have been off topic. I'll take compression of story over compression of meaning anytime :~)

I was not going to submit this as it was so personal in nature, but surely am pleased at all the comments.

Thanks again,

~Mark~

Free membership is a great deal but if you wish for the best deal look here:
https://www.neopoet.com/premium

author comment

you offered to be my mentor
then you withdrew suddenly
PARDON ME

I am not much of a poet
ask any
GEE STAN AND IAN

A friend of mine is going to Florida
Shall ask him
did you meet at the beech
JULY is for all kids
old and new

Dear Mark

there are few poems of mine
still wanting a stamp

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.