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Forty Fifth Class Reunion (November Contest)

Forty five years, no final kiss
Doubt I'll ever see her again
She was still a magnetic force
Same as rolling in autumn leaves

Her memory, sweet affection
Aroma of clinging soil
Filled my senses, warming autumn
Dead winter of hopeless desire

Northwesterly winds immature
Just like my life in our youth
When naked we held each other
And believed only we could know

Forty five years after the dump
What the fuck was I expecting?

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

Good luck for the contest...
.................................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

I think I need it.

.
And that's how I see it,
Mark

author comment

and welcome to neopoet. Best of luck in contest....stan

...and welcome to Neopoet! It's always good to see a new piece from a new person.
I like this poem, and I'm betting that it is not the first that you have written. It's put together well, and I like the emotion you've put into it.
Some of your word use is a bit too descriptive, and I think that from the emotional content a little; 'sinuses' and 'brains' are examples. Too physical.
The cadence is also just a tad choppy in places, but when I consider the topic and emotive aspect of the piece, that might not be a bad thing.
But aaahh, that ending! Encapulates the whole piece beautifully.
I am pleased that you used 'Feel free to knock me on my back'. You will get more honest criticism ,when you ask for that level of honesty.

"When naked we held each other
And believed only we could know"

My second-favorite lines, after the ending!
With this as your first poem here, I'm looking forward to seeing more.
Again, welcome to Neoppoet.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

In a bit of a rush to post up my first poem written in quite a while I hoped it would be a bit humorous with that last line (for the contest)
Later,
Mark
.

.
And that's how I see it,
Mark

author comment

It's always nice to see new poets here and I agree, that you have done a fine job of writing this; especially if it is the first in a while! I also agree, that the use of [brains and sinuses] is a little too clinical. Maybe [nose and head]? I really didn't see the humor in the question of "What the fuck did I expect?" I did however, think that it was a question that one might have asked themselves after the fact. I liked the simple lines that give it some impact, something that anyone could see in the anticipation of the reunion. Good luck in the contest. ~ Geezer.
.

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Well I posted my first poem on this trip anyhow. Don't know why I felt rushed. Guess it was the order staring me in the face every time I opened Neo lol.
Later,
.

.
And that's how I see it,
Mark

author comment

You would have won your maiden
Hope more such enlightenment
cums our way
sexiness and frankness here you finely display

we hope you win anyway
all the best

I'm smiling now...

.
And that's how I see it,
Mark

author comment

laugh when they say
20 dollars coming your way
lol

And thrilled as well.
Thanks for the hope,

.
And that's how I see it,
Mark

author comment

they will forget the
dollars
coz you as founder member donated it
or r not entitled

They never offered me when I won
coz I only compose for fun

Karma, Lovedly
What goes around comes around and that is the balance in the universe.
It's all good,

.
And that's how I see it,
Mark

author comment
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