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FORSAKEN

So Moma came,
with a mission to give birth
And that is all a child should get,
And maybe a brother too,
to groove in pain with
And when comfort is found
They all must depart,
Some to graves, others to life.

So did Gloria with love and fulfillment
Buried in the sand
And all that is left is a lawn,
An abyss dug upon my chest

Culbert came and left with a friend
I kept poking my head from out behind
But the Dresden home was burnt to the ground

Then you came,
And all that was left of me was the dregs to flush,
But you put the fragmented flax together
And put the rags left of my remains to use
and I became whole.

I tatted your name upon my wrist,
so we can never be far apart
You left a spot upon my chest,
but love had chosen this field to sport,
You too is short-lived...
as I became a villain
And the Devil that has lost the Battle over your life.

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Comments

of creating tension in a poem which is quite a gift.

My only suggestion is keep your readers in mind- how much of the narrative can you expect them to get? How can we know of the Dresden home, what that was and it's significance? I guess you meant tattooed the name...who is the "you" you're talking about? What is happening at the end, you becoming the cause of a death?

There must be a way to tell just enough so the reader can follow the narrative, preferably in the poem but also by footnote...I think there's nothing bad about a poet offering some help to the reader so the reader can enjoy the symbols and references in a context. I cannot tell if this poem is entirely mythological or based on real people. And I want to because the stance, your presence in the poem, is so good, as usual.
...

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

Yes your guess was right 'Death'. The Death of a loved one. The Dresden Home is a flash-back to happy days now burnt to the ground and all that is left is a lawn...

Hommies

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