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Forest Obscure

In the forest oh so dark
I lay my head down to the ground
Trees singing shaded tunes
Ear piercing solemn lune

Hands pressed hard upon my head
Shadow of the tree tops spread
Ground awakens thunder roars
Ground awakes and asks for more
Screaming creaking howling wood
Above my shaking legs they stood

Sunshine hides behind black clouds
Peering peeping tree tops howl
No such love light here at dawn
Shivering shaking trees do mourn

Waving arms of shadows past
"Reawakening my somber mood"

The taste of tragedy centuries passed
And centuries yet to have light

There are no such Tigers burning in this forest bright.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Inspired by William Blake. Forever editing this one!
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

that you had either kept the rhyme all the way through or not started it at all. I know, even though you had labeled it as being free verse, it still gave me a bit of a jar to find that rhythm and then it disappears. Other than that, You lost the scansion a couple of times:

1] Sun hides behind black[end] clouds?

2] And with centuries yet to have some light?

3] : In this forest no Tigers burn bright?

Just suggestions, but I think you could implement these easily.
I like the theme much and it broods bitter. ~ Geez.
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I value all thoughts from all of you, (There are no such tigers burning in this forrest bright) is metaphor
for saying there is no such beauty in this forest i was inspired by william blakes beautiful poem, tiger tiger burning bright in the forest of the night.
I have never been a fan of the forrest it's dark humid and haunting for me, that line that stands without rhym was supposed to be written alone and in a different form, but i have no idea to do it on site so i have just put it by its self now i wonder if it reads better with my explenation. i have used darkend "thank you"

Thank you...Teddy

author comment

I thought the line was supposed to be part of the poem. ~Geez.
.

Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
to have real-time conversations with those that are up
all night or on the other side of the world.
.

First of all I called you Chrys sorry seems the net is going mad.today second of all it is part of the poem i have it in a better format on paper. Thanks as always in any case.

Thank you...Teddy

author comment

just to say i have been working on the sun line darkend i felt was strething it in the end, i dont know how you do it but you always seem to find the exact line i need help with. i guess this poem is like marmite! LOL thanks so much always for the attention to detail that you offer.

Thank you...Teddy

author comment

you just took my breath away with this ominous piece of shifting shadows! Tiger, tiger burning bright!

great work!
*hugs, Cat

p.s. eddy admired it too.

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

oh wow, thank you so much, my pasting from the computer went wrong and i managed to fix it, thank you for your lovely words. being born the year of the Tiger i find myself within this peice.

Thank you...Teddy

author comment

while the free--verse rules frown upon the intentional use of rhymes or similar poetic devices, in this case I would say, to Hades with those rules. Your poem is quite beautiful and, honestly, I--meaning you--shouldn't change a thing. It's all good!!! Jerry

>
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>Please visit my website: www.jerrykspoetry.com

This is one of my most favourite poems but theres something that i cannot see, its true my rhyming and free verse are both in here. Thank you for your kind words.

Thank you...Teddy

author comment

Sounds like I'm really thinking doesn't it? lol. That fourth line if you are referring to a bird it's a loon not lune. I particularly like the trees singing shaded tunes.I also like the change from loose rhyme to free verse as the weather builds to a storm. Did you use this morphing form on purpose? Last two lines... I'd change "have" to "receive " in next to last line and delete "Such" in last line. Now this snuffed out tiger is gonna take a nap

The word is lune, for lunacy which is where i am with this poem.! LOL will take all i can for this because its one of those poems, much like my sonnet it's taken years! thanks stan.

Thank you...Teddy

author comment
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