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In The Forest Night
darkness blooms
the moon hangs tight
stars twinkle
werewolves howling
the country forest party mingles of prey
leaves drip dry green
the food chain takes pride in hunger
bushes house ants
snakes rattle
wild boar camping by the river
the lioness tuck her 3 cubs in her den
and an owl hoots for hours.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Cloudthings
Thu, 2019-03-21 08:30
Hi, again, welcome to Neo
Great first work here... it has a real potency in it, a kind of raw expression I really liked, I am looking forward to hearing more from you.
Cheers
Anni
My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"
Eumolpus
Thu, 2019-03-21 12:43
And an owl hoots for hours
And.....
And then what? Usually a descriptive list poem needs a punch line, a reason to be outside the narrative. What is the poem saying about the night.
Two issues the werewolf is a mythical subject among the real so loses its meaning. I would also try to find a replacement for Stars twinkle as that is too common and cliche.i also don’t know where we are. In Europe with wild boar or Africa with lions?
My suggestion is get yourself into the poem and offer us the nighttime on a more personal aspect
Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings