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FORBIDDEN WAY (March contest)

I'll never walk that way again,
in bottoms drowned by this new lake
unless I sprout both gill and fin
a change I guess I'll never make.

I picture the flat plain once there;
I'll never walk that way again,
with legs which took me everywhere,
which conquered hill and stream and glen.

I remember times there with passed kin,
this plain now barred to halting tred.
I'll never walk that way again
with loved ones gone to final bed.

So I'll save it in memories,
how it and I both were back then:
long strides there under old beech trees.
I'll never walk that way again.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
pretty rough but I intend to come back
Editing stage: 


to the march contest. As good as it gets when it comes to using a Nature theme. You are King of the woods.


raj (sublime_ocean)

King of the woods huh? I like that lol. Thanks for the visit.........stan

author comment

though enjoyable, that refrain gives a poignant grief. Very effective.
I'd say good luck, but I know you are writing just for the fun of it.
Any way, good luck. :)


Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me

I think in this contest the refrain and how it's used will likely determine the winner. And you're right, I'm not worried about winning since being the contest director makes me ineligible. I'm pleased you think I picked a good refrain for this poem........stan

author comment

With young legs that took me everywhere -- 9 syllables
Nice write Stan
love judy

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Now I can't even count lol. Thanks Judy............stan

author comment

You took me back inside the magical land, thanks Stan. Lovely piece of writing.

"Death" is nonsense: what is there to die?
"Life"? How could " life" "die"? That is a contradiction
in terms. Can "light" become "darkness"?
"Light" can only cease to be apparent

Wei Wu Wei

Thank you, I'm glad you came along...........stan

author comment
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