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Forbidden Fruit

Let me not weep for your sin, I am Adam
The tree that sang to your ear so precious
from a bite of the forbidden apple,
you have unravelled something that will live forever,
forever in the haunting dreams of me.

I sleep unmerciful knowing you did,
myself wondering why temptation won,
It was considered a dangerous fruit
yet you, the woman of expectation
took the bait forbidden and untouched.

Now the world will never be the same
I blame you wife, a curse so curious
You unravelled what could have been,

to make
a world of evil sin, an acceptance.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
Last few words: 
Oh Dear, Adam is cross with me!
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Hello, Teddy,
Really like this! I especially like the title, but with a bit of a twist. It feels to me that "wife" (Eve) is Adam's forbidden fruit. After all, he does have a will and mind of his own, yes?
Thank you!
L

indeed he has a mind of his own but so does eve! lol i'm prcticing for my sonnet this is as close as i got, but now with my new book i hope to come up with something really good. Always a pleasure to see you! when my husband tells me not to do something usually i do!

Thank you...Teddy

author comment

ab ab
cd cd
ef ef
gg
14 lines
3 paras
last two lines
technically I know nothing
my teacher passed away early

This is not a sonnet however you just gave me some ideas, it's in the making, may also take 100 years !

Thank you...Teddy

author comment

I don't think that Eve was supposedly the "Original Sin" but she did urge him to take the bite of that bad apple! I think that his part in the deal, was that he didn't hesitate to bite that baby! Us men often go along with whatever the wife wants, just to keep the peace and I guess that it's ever been so. ~ Geez.
.

Honest critique and comments shouldn't hurt.
It's why we are here, to get better at our craft.

Yes I'm so glad you agree! lol I am just having fun. I know who has the apple!

Thank you...Teddy

author comment

but wives love
bananas
from
BAHAMAS

Thanks for that! lol have you finished your masterpiece yet?

Thank you...Teddy

author comment

yes already posted

I know that you have a great sense of humor, [you like my funny stuff]. ~ Geez.
.

Honest critique and comments shouldn't hurt.
It's why we are here, to get better at our craft.

He it was who's guile, stirred up with envy and revenge, deceived the mother of mankind.

John Donne ~ Paradise Lost

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
.......................................

How nice to see you, yes indeed. I just had to play a bit with the story, for fun really.

Thank you...Teddy

author comment

the Garden of Eden was supposed to be located between the Euphrates and the Tigris and some other rivers I have forgotten. No Apples grew there then and now because they never did well in that part of the middle east. Conclusion 1: Cod must have been one ignorant, lousy gardener. Conclusion 2: Adam had bitten into his own Adams apple and swallowed it. I still have mine; saving it up for an apple pie. Jerry

I bet I could get a new poem out of this! LoL thanks for coming by, and for being such a good sport.

Thank you...Teddy

author comment
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