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Footsteps On The Staircase.

Footsteps On The Staircase.

Hearing footsteps on the staircase
a young boy is silent in his room,
only moonlight from the window
brightens the darkness and gloom.
His heart beats fast, fear increases
as an angry father opens the door,
staggering drunkenly towards him
to inflict violent cruelty once more.

He packs a bag with some clothes
leaving home in the quiet of night,
stepping out into the cold darkness
hoping he won’t be missed till light.
It’s not so much the pain and bruises
more that he just can’t understand,
how one man can change so much
with a glass of alcohol in his hand.

After months of living on the streets
a stranger came and sat by his side,
knowing his name and who he was
he told him he no longer should hide.
Telling him how a neighbour knew
all that happened and told the police,
his father was taken, never to return
so home now was a place of peace.

The rising sun glows in his room
and he glances over to the door,
everything there still reminds him
of the things that happened before.
Carrying a bag with some clothes
he leaves in the morning light,
his mother reads the note he left
on waking from her restless night.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 

Comments

I had a little trouble with this line:

a stranger came and sat by his side,

I think it would sound better as:

a stranger came to sit by his side
but that is just my opinion and suggestion. You can take it or leave it as you will.

I liked your poem. I like the way the second time the boy left it was in the light of day, not sneaking out at night. It seemed honest. This is a hard subject to write about and I commend you for taking on this subject. Your rhyming and structure are good.

always, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Thanks Cat, I always appreciate your comments and encouragement.
I've just won a contest with a poem I re-edited, which I did because Neopoet has taught me to go back and strive to improve my work.
many thanks, take care,
Tim

author comment

Congratulations on winning the poetry contest!! It is good to have you here.

always, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Congrats on the contest! Haven't worked up the nerve to enter one myself. This was kinda trite until the child left the second time because he couldn't live with the memories and it then became pretty deep. Good job........stan

Many thanks scribbler.
Tim

author comment
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