Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

AS FOOTPRINTS FADE

Like footprints in the melting snow
our past lives fade away
while leaving hints of where we'll go
from their seeming course we often stray.

The future is the breaking dawn
a day promised but not yet here
a figment we depend upon
as its focus becomes clear.

My path has led me many ways
both random and chosen with care
which disappear in the past's haze
as if I wasn't ever truly there.

I stop and look back on my track
in the slushy melting snow
then go on, no more looking back
for I've still many miles to go.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 

Comments

I had actually considered both variations and will make a change in edit. Always good to see you and hear your suggestions........stan

author comment

This started as 2 separate poems that were going to dead ends that I decided belonged together. Thanks for the read.........stan

author comment

"as if I wasn't ever truly there"

It does feel like that, doesn't it?

Thought provoking piece.

Victor

"When a pickpocket meets a holy man all he sees are his pockets."

Unknown (at least to me)

Hope the thinking didn't result in a headache lol. Write was attempt to show futility of living in the past or putting too much stock in the future. Always glad to see you here........scribbler

author comment

I love this one as it is written so well. I see a change in your writing and it is a positivity I feel also. In one line the comma is hanging out in the middle of the sentence, just one small thing that popped out to me. Nothing and that does not take away the passion of this write. Excellent in my book:)

Blessings to you
Mona

Getting sloppy with my comma spacing lol. I am glad to see you back on my page Mona........stan

author comment

good of you to visit and leave such a kind comment........scribbler

author comment

Reckon I agree with you as edit has yet lol.Actually wanted to use both, but it just doesn't work that way. Hope weather is warming for you......stan

author comment

THE BEST SCRIBLER

I'VE COME ACROSS

NEXT TO MY FOOTBALL DRIBBLER

BUT OF COURSE
I ‘LL STAY
AS U SAY
AND HOPE U'LL CONTINUE
TO ENTER MY DRIVE WAY
HOPEFULLY
SOME MORE DAWNS
FROM TODAY

I SAY IT IN CAPITALS
I DO PRAY
U WILL THINK
IT’S A SMALL WAY

loved

thanks loved. I see you're still after me for capitalizing my titles huh? ............scribbler

author comment

It's all good; nothing to critique.
I get the strong message of "look down at where you place your feet, not where they were".
So true, and so skillfully portrayed.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

You got it about right. The only real control we have in life is ability to control the now. Appreciate the read..........scribbler

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.