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follow me pt# 2 by: eddy styx

follow me pt#2 as requested by: Geezer

on the river bank
where you stand,
quavering
calling out my name.
while I, high on the rocks,
gleefully play my game.
I hear a 'gator
slide out of the water
climbing on to the bank,
I know you hear it too.
the tension grows thick,
I hear you holler
for help not coming,
your voice sounding sick
with tears of fright building up.
I know your throat
is tightening,
closing up with terror
soon you will
not be able to scream,
right up until
that final moment
when his claws shred
and jaws clench,
spelling out
your final destruction.
I've heard you have
a twin sister,
it will be just the thing
to pay a call upon her,
perhaps suggest
a quiet stroll...

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

is alright, though a little wordy. LoL

I do believe that the line that goes [for help not forthcoming]
reads a little pretentious, I would just say: "I hear your holler for help... not coming"

You have a typo, just the [thing]

Good all around piece of work and a fitting part 2 for this little saga.
Hugs from the boys, ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

I always appreciate your help...you have a good eye!

ever, eddy

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

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