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Driving slowly through a predawn void
road's center line all that I can see
all senses are fully employed
to not crash into an unseen tree

Come daylight I am at my goal
as the fog begins to swirl
like water on a rocky shoal
I watch each tiny droplet twirl

It's still impossible to focus
eyes strain to ferret out detail
of objects in my present locus
along a barely seen game trail

Trees and shrubs loom like dim ghosts
they appear and vanish with each stride
my world extends ten feet at most
who knows what this fog may hide

Now this mist takes on a glare
and turns to a brilliant white
the days sun is shining somewhere
farther objects slowly come in sight

At last the cloak begins to lift
revealing lowly grass and weeds
like a horizontal cloud rift
as on the fog the sunshine feeds

The sun now finally breaks through
last wisps and tendrils fade from sight
disappearing into the sky's blue
conquered by the late mornings light

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 


I was driving in the predawn yesterday to the last hunt of deer season and cursing the foggy road. Upon reflection I realized that even fog has a certain beauty if one paid attention, so I jotted this down upon my return home last night. So glad you enjoyed this rough draft............stan

author comment

Ahh yes I agree with Shirl + At last the cloak begins to lift
revealing lowly grass and weeds
like a horizontal cloud rift
as on the fog the sunshine feeds.

You really describe nature in a wonderful way.

Really enjoyable to read.

Thank you Stan
Love Mand xxxxxxxx

I just try to write what I see. I am pleased that some enjoy my rambling writes lol................stan

author comment

This is good but I just believe you can shorten up some lines to mean the exact feeling you mean to portray here. i just stumbled up a bit with some of it but I do believe you can tighten this up and polish it to perfection. It is different I feel of you but I like where you are going with experience out of your comfort zone. Keep it up sounding good here

Magics with Love to you and family for a happy happy writers new year - 2011

I guess you noticed this listed as a rough draft, so I fully expect flaws to be remarked upon. I will let this sit a day or two before my first revision although I already see a couple of places that need attention. I appreciate your taking time to read and comment.................stan

author comment
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