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FLITTING SHADOWS

Has it been just eight short years
since first I sent electrons on their way
while I cringed in anxious fears
On that long ago cool day?

I sent them then to my surprise
I received encouragement from others
Kind strangers I can now surmise
who became almost like sisters and brothers.

And time ticed by as is its way
while I found my own type style
in lines which talked of limbs that sway
or even love poems once in a while.

I thought foolishly it would not end
but then some others' went away
no more poetry to send
to be read by this guy turning grey.

No,no not all at once
and not all, I guess, have passed the veil
into that place of peace and nonce.
They found others to tell their tale.

But some have gone on to that final place
To me they left without a warning
bringing frown lines to my face
as I'd find them gone some random morning.

This comes home hard each time to me
when I edit some old work of mine
seeing naught where comments used to be
like a fruit without nourishing vine.

Why Must They GO?!I almost scream
why are these holes left in in my screen
I know, know, I know..... I know
the knowledge cut like razor, keen.

They're gone and won't be coming back.
They've left this non poet behind
with the load of seniority on my back.
I write like a donkey who is blind.

But here I am with Some friends left
who I treasure all the more
wondering which will next leave me bereft
when they set sail to the other shore.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Some of you tell me you are finding little fault in my stuff lately (I know this isn't true). And that got me thinking about how my chicken scratchings were first received when I posted here with my first poems. And how so many who were once here and who had so much to do with helping me along the way are now gone. Some perhaps to other sites, some likely on extended leaves but some to that other place from which they will never return. So for those who say I'm writing too well I submit this raw write as it came straight from empty skull to index finger and then to screen...........stan
Editing stage: 

Comments

Of course there are things we would ask you to correct, and sometimes we will criticise your words, but as we belong here longer each day, and many words flow past our old eye's, we feel that the need recedes as the tide.
I for one will find the odd thing wrong, and only if it is something that can be sorted easily I will mention it, but mostly I just enjoy reading your journey's and being there with you and your family.
You know this piece needs a good edit as the flow is interrupted, but I will leave it to you as most times to read and sort lol..
Take care young woodsman and know it is better to walk and enjoy the scenes than talk of words that started the walk..
Yours as always, Ian ..

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Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

I think I might have said in the past that if forced to choose between perfect scansion and clarity of meaning I choose meaning. But I KNOW this one is extremely rough so suggestions are actually expected........stan

author comment

just saying how I haven't seen much real critique here and now, I find someone just ASKING for it! Lol. What is the matter with me? I guess there are lot of us who feel the same, but are too damn lazy to figure out how to give critique without being too hard on the poet and it's too easy to fall into the trap of giving just a little pat on the back and saying "Well done!" Soooooo... "Your scansion sucks!" And don't worry, I'm going to be around for a while yet, to tell you when it does. I don't think it is just your Southern accent that makes your work difficult sometimes, I believe that you just don't want to get rid of the words that are too long or unwieldy and take the time to find the ones that fit better. I've said it over and over, that there are those times when you might leave out a word that can be left out without changing he meaning of the sentence. Or take the time to restructure the sentence with different words to get what you are saying across. Good luck, ~ Gee.
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Imagine that, my scansion being off lol. But as I stated this is about as raw as it can be. It was typed straight to comp as the ideas came to mind and posted with absolutely NO edit. So Don't feel bad telling me it's flawed because I already know that lol. BTW you mention my often have a word or two extra.....well maybe if I concentrate a bit more on implied imagery (blatant upcoming shop plug lol) some of those superfluous words will fall away........stan

author comment
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