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Flickers

As ephemeral
as yellow leaves
on poplar trees
in early fall

Or the first frost
on window glass
doomed soon to pass
and thus be lost

So, too, grains
of years pass by
matters not how hard we try
on time we never will make gains

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
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Editing stage: 

Comments

So true and impressive indeed are your lines . We need to think over good things to do for all this is mortal and won't live for long.
Thanks for sharing

P.S
I am not sure you need the apostrophe after tees' ( line 3)
and in the last stanza I keep want to say something like

So, too,( are) grains........................instead of "So, too, grains"
but may be I am missing something

I have enjoyed your insights here. Thanks for sharing Stan

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Thanks for catching the apostrophe typo. As to the grains line, it should be read as though that line and the next are one line. And since I'm having to instruct on how my poem should be read, I realize it must not be well written as a truly well written poem needs no instructions lol. Oh well, they can't all be gemstones lol................stan

author comment

Of a tree in the seasons of change as so your ways, a lovely double meaning in there..
Never fear the coming of our last Winter tiz but a step from paradise no matter what, we leave all the baggage at eternities door there is no place for physical things in that life.
I am not of the Bible belt but there was something that Jesus was supposed to have said:-
It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of the needle ,
Than a rich man to enter the Kingdom of heaven.
In the cities of old after the main gate was closed, there use to be a small gate (called the eye of a needle) where you could enter, but you had to off load your camel of all its wealthy goods, as the gate was not wide enough.
I think one of the better sayings from those scribes,
Go well young man if you should go ahead of me will you wait?? lol
Take care, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

If wealth deters entrance to heaven then that's one obstacle I don't have to worry about lol. Thanks for dropping by.............stan

author comment

the first stanza has to be my favourite

‘as ephemeral
 as yellow leaves
 on poplar trees
 in early fall’
 - great descriptive, lovely rhythm to fit the piece

two lines only gave me grief stan

Or the first frost

  on time we ne-ver will make gains

love judy

xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

You might get a chuckle out of this. I first posted this as "FLICKERS" ..........I think it might have been misread as the LI resembled a U........so I decider to clarify it and capitalized only the first letter lol.
I wasn't really aiming for tight scansion on this one, rather trying for a bit of mixing with rhyme, free form and brevity. But I'll work a bit on those 2 lines as I don't need a ticket from the MM lol....................stan

author comment
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