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Flames

Submitted by loved on Fri, 2012-03-09 05:28

Sometimes I feel the flames
surrounding the form around,
make me dwell in moments of ecstasy
then devour me
as in consummation

Life’s just a flickering flame
worth seconds only
ere the flame blows
wow,
all is lost in the moment
of once having been
a being,
like a scorching feeling
petals or wings of butterflies feel
ere they are consumed…

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

William Saint George

Fri, 2012-03-09 10:26

William Saint George's picture

A fiery death? That is all I see here.

"Life’s just a flickering flame
worth seconds only
ere the flame blows"

Reducing life to "just a flickering flame" is quite depressing to me. Not awful, just a bit depressing. I also got lost in the metaphor. Did the flame get consumed by another flame? What does the flame represent in this poem, Life or Death?

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

loved

Fri, 2012-03-09 10:51

loved's picture

It was just a figment of mind

life is so uncertain
so we must enjoy it
to the hilt ...
even if one is consumed by the flame
or ends up after consummation
either way
let life present its magnificence
each one to him/herself
to hold a view of life ...
as deemed fit

thanks for passing by
your maidencomments are meaningful

loved

author comment

loved

Fri, 2012-03-09 10:52

loved's picture

error duplicate

loved

author comment

Candlewitch

Fri, 2012-03-09 11:25

Candlewitch's picture
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Suggestion:

with these lines:

then consume me
as in consummation

It might sound better to use:

then devour me
as in consumation

as you have used three forms of the word consume.

This poem is very dark. I like it!

always, Cat (& eddy)

*
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And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

loved

Fri, 2012-03-09 11:31

loved's picture

you do have a helping
and
discerning eye,
great for a fellow Neopoet

loved

author comment
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