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Fix

Submitted by lou on Tue, 2011-01-25 06:35

FIX

You said I was an injection to the main vein
the hit that exploded in your brain,
Liquid in intensity

Just the scent of you intoxicated me,
I tasted your skin upon my tongue
And I was flying

When I saw you the other day, the emotion surged
And knocked me sideways
I’m yours.

I’m addicted, I need my fix
Have to feel you flow through me
taking over ‘

Got to have that high,
Crave that buzz
Need your love

But you have betrayed and
Left me to suffer the
Shivers and shakes of Cold Turkey.

I need my fix
I’m stressed and I’m strung-out,
Need to zone out

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Roscoe Lane

Tue, 2011-01-25 11:57

Roscoe Lane's picture

What an emotional poem, only things i'd do different are. Third verse, first line, and second line.
When i saw you the other day, emotions surged
Knocking me sideways,
I'm yours.
Sixth verse first line, and second line.
But you betrayed,
Leaving me to suffer the
Shivers and shakes of cold turkey.

Still a tremendous poem whether you change it or not. Regards Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

lou

Tue, 2011-01-25 12:34

lou's picture

Thank you I'll look at what you have said.

Loi

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

Candlewitch

Tue, 2011-01-25 12:14

Candlewitch's picture
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You write as if you truly know the pains of addiction to another human being. I know it to, but a very long time ago. The affair dragged on for almost three years on and off again. I was the one who finally ended it with the lie: "I've found someone else!" How wonderful it is to be free of that addiction! And you have reminded me of how lucky I am to be married to someone I love who doesn't rip my heart out. Fantastic piece! Loved it all!

love, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

lou

Tue, 2011-01-25 12:40

lou's picture

Unfortunately I haven't found the cure to my addiction, yet ,but I'm glad you liked I

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

mand

Tue, 2011-01-25 12:19

mand's picture
Volunteer badge

You inject such passion into your poems, I can almost feel the emotional roller coaster.

Well done Lou

Keep it up

Love Mand xxxxx

Hooded Stranger

Tue, 2011-01-25 13:08

Hooded Stranger's picture

Lou,

I am so pleased you posted it. The addition of the negative side is awesome.

Turkey - has a 'E' in it by the way...I should have sent you that dictionary after all! Lol!

The last stanza does it for me...a great ending. I would have made it shorter and punchier :

I need my fix
Stressed and strung-out,
Need to zone out

but that's just me...brilliant...despite the reasons behind why you had to add in the negative half.

regards,

HS

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lou

Tue, 2011-01-25 13:40

lou's picture

HS

what would i do without your hawk eyes LOL !!! Answer i'd have messy poems lol.

The inspiration for this one wasn't nice as you know, but i'm quite pleased with the poem.

Happy that you like the poem

lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

ziggy

Tue, 2011-01-25 15:21

I feel you have hit the spot with this one
all has being said above, not an easy write
but a worth while one , well worded ,,,,,,,,,,zigs

I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.

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