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Five Used To Be a Little Number

Submitted by emogothgirl on Mon, 2013-07-08 18:20

five weeks.
it's an awful long time, if you ask me.
all the worry and the nerves and the upset
they were all for naught -
and that's a good thing, too -
because if one day is closer to happiness
imagine what five weeks mean.
five weeks mean everything has faded
five weeks mean there is hope
five weeks mean maybe she won't be embarrassed of the overhead light
and five weeks mean
the chance for five more.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
!!!!!
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Geezer

Mon, 2013-07-08 20:55

Geezer's picture
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should try to make things a little clearer, by modifying or taking out the line about ; "and that's a good thing too."
Maybe just say: " I guess that is a good thing."
Otherwise, I think it shows the emotion that you are looking for and gives a good picture of a relationship that seems to be slowly building. Nice feel to it, ~ Gee

This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place

Esker

Tue, 2013-07-09 15:20

Esker's picture

and yet the brittle lively pang..
I loved this...
but then I love imagery
feeling..
sensations and the diffusion
of these also....

Life and its carnival of souls
its cherise glasses...

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