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Finding Peace...

Cries in the night
Try to wake, try to wake
Run away, fight or flight
For goodness sake, goodness sake

Nightmares ride
Run so fast, run so fast
Find nowhere, that I can hide
Chase the past, chase the past

Woe is me, I was so blind
I didn't hear, didn't hear
What did I think, hope to find
Face my fear, face my fear

Blackened soul, tormented so
See the truth, see the truth
There was no way for me to know
You took my youth, took my youth

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
For a number of reasons.
Editing stage: 

Comments

I think Geezer.
No suggestions to make as it is fine as it is.

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
.......................................

This just kind of wrote itself.
~ Geezer.
.

Come to Chat on the Darkside
every other Saturday night 8pm to ?
Bring your dark and delicious work
to show.

author comment

The reading is electric, it builds great. The repetition and the the iambic pulse.
2 suggestions-
Sometimes breaking the iambic in the climax, try a trochee or something to set it apart like a coda.

the last line...so what took your soul, and blackened it ? How did it take your youth? You haven't set me up for that. The finale leaves me too far wondering how it got to this point. But the ride through the first three stanzas, I feel like I'm on a galloping horse. I'm just not taking that leap into the final statement.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

meant to be ambiguous. The comment; "For many reasons", is for just that; not only my story , but a couple of others too.
It actually started out as someone else's tale of woe, but I soon realized that it was also mine. I will think on it a bit and maybe
make it a little clearer. ~ Geezer.
.
.

Come to Chat on the Darkside
every other Saturday night 8pm to ?
Bring your dark and delicious work
to show.

author comment
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