Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

FINAL DETAIL

Shimmering through the haze of heat
bent hyphens circle far away
as they mark their swollen treat.
I change course toward them at mid-day.

Two miles through this desert land
like a wall I hit the stench of battle
just as the vultures start to land
and death beetles begin to prattle.

Burnt machines of modern war
with different symbols on their side.
Is that all this fight was for?
Far above crows call and glide.

I can put it off no longer
so I let my gaze skim the soft parts
then when the hot breeze becomes stronger
I study this, one of man's oldest arts.

All these shells with staring eyes
empty of humanity
looking at life's end with dull surprise.
It seems a few glare straight at me.

My shovel swings off of my shoulder
and bites into the red stained soil.
With each scoop I feel much older
yet I continue with my toil.

All around spades sing in sand
as my fellows prepare deep resting places.
This battle field, this ruined ground
will soon hide torn bodies and pale slack faces.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

This is a very strong piece Stan, does it have a lot to do with the ongoing drought you have going on over there? Particularly like the lines:

"Two miles through this desiccated land
like a wall I hit the stench of battle
just as the vultures start to land"

I am beyond critique of your work, which I think is very well constructed, would just love to know more of its context. It is very effective.

Thanks

Chris.

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

I left this a bit vague as far as location and which side the grave digger is on on purpose so that the reader could let his/her imagination fill in the blanks. As to my location's drought.....I'm in South Carolina. We had a drought which ended about 6 years ago and are about to get hit with a hurricane so you must think I live somewhere else like Australia maybe? Appreciate your time to read and leave kind comment......stan

author comment

make a mistake so I can find something to correct lo
excellent piece you don't miss a step

And welcome to neopoet. I make plenty of mistakes especially in rhythm lol. But I appreciate the thought as well as your time to read and comment......stan

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.