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The Fierce Dashing Sea (January Contest)

Here is where you find me
As the coastal gales blow;
Gazing o'er the fierce sea.

And where I long to be,
This salted fuming show,
Here is where you find me.

Upon a cliff top free,
Above the ebbing flow,
Gazing o'er the fierce sea.

Or on the seaway quay
Where age-old sailors go;
Here is where you find me.

Breathless in a wild spree,
My senses all aglow,
Gazing o'er the fierce sea.

A roaring gift is she
I'll spend my life, I know;
Here is where you find me
Gazing o'er the fierce sea.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Unusually, a 6,6,6, (6) villanelle, Compliments to all at Neo.
Editing stage: 
Contest: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

As perfect as I knew it'd be!! Fantastic job as always! I don't have much experience with villanelles, but I love how you duplicated the lines of your first stanza throughout the poem, creating a nice sense of repetition throughout. Quick critique: if you could figure out a way to keep the last stanza to three lines as well, the poem may be more consistent throughout. But all in all, I really like this. Amazing job! :D

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https://meanderingbackward.blogspot.com
"The true alchemists do not turn lead into gold; they turn the world into words." -William H. Gass

Asche. Yes the villanelle is quite a strict form. I prefer 8,8,8,(8) ~ the 19th. century villanelle. The 20th century villanelle jumped to 10,10,10, (10). 'Do Not Go Gentle Into the Good Night' by Dylan Thomas is probably the most famous of 20th C. villanells. You must have five 3 line stanzas with a final 4 line stanza. The refrains are strictly controlled also the final couplet repeats lines 1 & 3. The 'Pantoum' is another closed form of poem which uses refrained lines but may be as long as the author wishes, whereas the villanelle maintains its 6 stanzas ~ the last having the extra line.

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Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
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author comment

I'm not sure if it's

the pen that I should envy
Or envy the pen for thee

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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for your most kind comment.

"Pen is envy Aunt Lydia would say, quoting another Center motto, warning us away from such objects.  And they were right, it is envy. Just holding it is envy.  I envy the commander his pen, it's the one more thing I would like to steal"

Margaret Atwood

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Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
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author comment

Wow, the fierce sea indeed, I've always been a bit bewildered by the sea, alas I do not feel sea sick reading this, such beauty in your pen and wonderment in your poem. Best wishes in the contest. You really do.make the villanelle look so easy.

Thank you...Teddy

I think that the 6 syllabubble villanelle is, for me, the most difficult to write. The lines seem very short. My preference is the 8 syllabbuble villanelle ~ You can easily drown in one of those.

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Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
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author comment

abided by the strict rules of your villanelle, I can only say that; I could never have written with such grace and perfection; for I have no such expertise. Nice stuff! ~ Geez.
.

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that you are too modest. I expect that you can compose a fine villanelle. Villanelles lost favour in the early to mid 20th. century but have become popular again today (possibly mostly due to Dylan Thomas). At least you know where you are (or where you aren't) with closed form poetry. I will attempt to place a villanelle and a pantoum side by side on stream to compare the difference ~ give me a few hours to sharpen the nib of my goose feather and get the old grey cells-a-spinning.

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Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
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author comment
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