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Feet First

The shadows
girate,
with earthless
rhapsody
I'm wanting to
step off,
without fear
hope flowers.

The white cloak
kills expectation
of the womb,
a cruel wind
whips spinifex
into a frenzy
of dusty plumes.

The pearly shine
once gazed on
In awe and
wonderment,
now a reminder
at no time
did looking up
fix the fence

Her silvered
glow tempts all,
with broken
promises and
bled hearts,
a dusty cratered
deceiver,
her only glory ?
one small step
for a man
with a flag

I've lost hope
she was a bitch
two faced,
her darkside
never showing,
as I looked up
she devoured me
feet first.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Go easy its my first poem in a while. Ive been pretty ill. I've missed this place and you all.
Editing stage: 

Comments

A very good write and kept my attention till the end.
I have read carefully and there are no obvious problems, great that you are still top in your field..
I must get down to write a few lines but am tired at the moment and the mind wanders so..
You take care and I will try to join your write soon, Yours as always my bestest Jaughter, love as always Da xxx

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Unconditional love to you all.
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Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

this, but had to read it over a few times; trying to make sense of the "The white cloak killing expectation and a cruel wind whipping plumes of spinifex. The rest of it is sound and doesn't need explanation. Great to see you writing and so glad that you miss us! Love and higgest bugs, Gee.
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Great to see you,
A very nice write,
What do you think of blossoms in the stead of flowers?
I was here now I disappear,

~Mark~

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is it hope itself you've lost faith in I hope not. I was always taught by my parents never to lose hope by my grandma that despair is the greatest sin. I hate to see people suffering but at least you are still writing darling. never let your voice be stifled thanks for sharing this dark beauty with me

sorry to respond so tardily I've been ill myself in a small way. hope you are feeling something better dear Jayne

love John

My first impression is that the vertical form actually hinders the reader (at least This reader) from understanding the message. Of course being the under head that I am that should be no surprise lol

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