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Feelings of Expressions

So hard to say tonight – yes!
This day I will say goodbye,
no song was written for me
my life is a loner too!
And I have no peers but you.

As I pack my suitcase hard
giving thanks for a strife life
and the great life fight - that’s right.
I wish I had a home now.

I had opportunity
to face off with good teachers.
I have no money to spend
but for special occasions
plenty of Gummy for friends
for me and any Honey.

Took all my money mama,
have no money now mama,
took all away from me too!
The day you were no good – gone!
Who knew, who would ever know
my tears I say now – many.

Gone on my way now mama,
it’s OK, it’s OK now.
You can bully the bully,
mama, dance good now, OK?
I’ve got no money mama.
Myself for you I do praise
and I walk strong in the day
and I pull you for the day.

It’s OK you don’t care now.
The honey calls it’s not you,
And she’s blue, and she’s blue too.
So now you see I am loud?
From the past I move, I’m proud!

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

drew me in and for the first two or three stanzas, I was with you. I thought I understood where this was going. Then I started to lose track of where it was going or where I thought it was going. The ending starts to sound as though it there is a nervous breakdown. I don't see any obvious mistakes in grammar or syntax, so I will call it good for the time being. ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

Just a rough draft.
Mark

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author comment

There's no way one can separate from their families because they found it there and at one time they were part of it. A family is a strong tree that sprouts even when it's cut. Good poem.
.

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

You got that too huh? Love is a tree, yes?
Nourish the sacred tree of life that her roots always sprout, and she fills with singing birds". ~Black Elk~
Thanks for coming by,
Mark

Be a vibrant component of our Neopoet community for the future by talking with other Neopoets.

author comment

You're welcome.
.

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

Gee Mark this is a great poem but so sad. You'll always be with me because I won't leave without you
Don't go away. I will miss you as I have the past 4 days. I won't leave you. One thing I learned is how much I need you.
Love
Your other half
Patricia

[evil grin]

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author comment
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