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FEELINGS

Submitted by utchy on Wed, 2017-10-11 07:20

FEELINGS........

I feel his touch
In the dwindling heat of the setting sun
In the heavy fragrance of flowers bright
In the soft feel of the cool evening breeze

I feel his touch
In the flickering twinkle of a thousand stars
In the soft light of the half moon
In the gentle waves of calm seas

I feel his touch
In the unending paths leading to nowhere
In the warm beat of a lonely heart
In the undulating sway of dancing shadows

I feel his touch
Ever so lightly, so loving, so real
Wonderfully, as the cold nights turn warm
As the dark night gently gives way to a new dawn

I feel his touch
As love wraps itself around me,
.......and feelings take over.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Not actively editing

Comments

utchy

Wed, 2017-10-11 07:22

I've said all I wanted to say. Would appreciate all input. Thanks

author comment

lovedly

Wed, 2017-10-11 10:57

lovedly's picture

I'd drop the initial caps
all of em
and
the repetition

but let stalwarts comment
first and welcome you true

I feel his touch
in the dwindling heat of the setting sun
in the heavy fragrance of flowers bright
in the soft feel of the cool evening breeze

(I feel his touch).....may modify
in the flickering twinkle of a thousand stars
in the soft light of the half moon
in the gentle waves of calm seas

then rest will be history
on FB
if as when master sees

best of luck on
NEOPOETS

utchy

Sat, 2017-10-14 08:11

Really appreciate your comments. Have already tried out your suggestions and will post the modified version for you to see.

Utchy

author comment

Geezer

Thu, 2017-10-12 09:09

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

inclined to agree with Lovedly and say that you might modify the first line of each stanza, however it doesn't make the poem any less heartfelt or bad in any way, it is a good poem. Welcome to Neopoet and I hope that you find us helpful. We will try hard to give constructive criticism and be a place where you can soar. Good luck here on Neo. ~ Geezer

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utchy

Sat, 2017-10-14 08:09

Really appreciate your comments. Have already tried out your suggestions and will post the modified version for you to see. Meanwhile, check out this other new one from me. Thanks

author comment
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