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that feeling

you know that feeling
when your heart starts to beat
your breath starts to shorten
and your hands are all sweaty and numb
when your stomach starts to churn
like its full of butterflies
and the nausea starts to overwhelm
when your vision gets blurry
you can't see your hands
and you stumble into everything
when your head starts to pound
is filled with random thoughts
and you can't feel your body anymore
when your soul starts to rise
then you see your body from the sky
and you put on a giant grin
well I hate to break this horrible news
but if you feel those feelings it means
you're about to die

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
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How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
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Last few words: 
i just wanted to do this
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

ur supposed to think its love but is realy a person dying
(LOL)

Vivi
(Love hanging with my family of poets)

author comment

thought that it was the feeling of love! But then again, the feelings that you describe are the ones that I feel when I overexert myself or leave off my oxygen and try to do something without it. I did not expect that someone young as you would be able to describe the feeling of death so aptly. I don't have any idea of what prompted you to examine such feelings, but I suspect that maybe you have someone in your life that is like me; someone that has told you how it feels. Good description, I hope that you don't have them yourself. Your title drew me in and your language and all was very good. ~ Geez.
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when you say leave off ur oxygen does that mean you have that lung disease. Omg If you do you'll be in my prays if you don't you'll still be in my prayers. Have either of you seen 5 feet apart. the romance movie. I read and watched it. That is true love. Love without touching, kissing, or even hand holding. It just makes me smile and blush everytime I think about it.

Vivi
(Love hanging with my family of poets)

author comment

I do have COPD. Smoked for many years, [over fifty] and worked in harzardous conditions, [often times without proper protection]. Not much to do about it now, those places I worked with and at, are mostly all gone out of business. Thank you for your prayers and spread the word about smoking and protecting yourself from hazards. ~ Geez.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

my three year old self has stopped at least 6 relatives from smoking. I'm a straight edge girl!

Vivi
(Love hanging with my family of poets)

author comment

if you remove most of the ands the poem may be slightly better though different If you don't like my suggestions score me I see you are too good all by yourself

u r good do help Gee in critique I am also now doing thanks rgds msvivi

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