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Sleet shushes me this winter eve
and bounces off my old felt hat
as chill wind sneaks up my coat sleeves
stealthy as a stalking cat

With shoulders hunched I walk along
through white which barely dusts the ground
toward cows lowing their same sad song
beyond the barn toward which I'm bound

They spy me and come at a trot
as they do 'most every day
toward their familiar feeding lot
where I fill their racks with hay

With their mouths full, quiet descends
old boards creak on the loft floor
some roof tin slaps at passing wind
and hinges protest on barn door

Chore now done I turn toward home
through the mix of sleet and mire
as the day begins to gloam
I retreat to love and warm hearth fire

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content


As usual a piece that lets us stand there with you as you go about your tasks, not sure but think that the line with gloam may need a little tweak,

Here is the chorus to a Bonnie Scottish song

I roaming in the gloaming,
with a Bonnie near the Clyde.
Roaming in the gloaming,
with a lassie by my side.
'Tis when the sun goes down,
that's the time that I like best.
Oh yeah, I'm roaming in the gloaming.

A very catchy song at that lol, Take care and mind you are back before the Black, Yours Ian.T

There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I'll check that line out. I know gloaming is the more common useage but I think gloam might also be correct. But either way, thanks for the visit................stan

author comment

Gloam is a word in its own rights, it means the time between sunset and the dark, probably Twilight time it in its short singularity seemed a little stressed/hard for that line, as you were on your way back to the fire both inside and out lol.
Take care young man there is plenty of time, Yours as always. Ian.T

There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

i read ma'am
say some where

you are the best non -verser poet
meaning like me
a freer verser (((((poet )))))

but you compose such exquisite poetry
western eastern and hemispherical
why seek advice
you alone are competent to give

The day shall never dawn
when i won't read your poetry still
lying in my fiery warm bed till
i have digested each and every pill
of what you till..
lest your desire rests to me kill...


Not a true poet, just a scribbler whose stuff is maybe better suited for an earlier time. As to seeking advice, I have always sought advice in all I do not just poetry. After receiving the advice I then digest it and proceed in the way I see fit lol.Sometimes the difference between OK and very good might be a single line or even a single word which another might spot when it has slipped past me.

I appreciate you dropping off such supportive comment though..................stan

author comment

between life and death
is a hairline
which snaps when???
heaven also doesn't know ...

so i don't take advice
but donate it ...
gift it freely
take it or leave it ..


Hi Stan, I love the pastoral theme, with the cows following you in the gloam and much more. Reminds me of my childhood. The title is fine for me and so is the rhyming and content. No nits at all. Thank you for sharing such an attractive topic, for me, at least.

"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

I sometimes worry that there are not enough people with rural backgrounds left to write about it.

author comment
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