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Fearing Death

Submitted by alidzain on Fri, 2014-08-29 15:40

Death left a void
and filled it with ingredients of sadness,
the tears of a mourning mother,
the ceasing of joy and laughter,
the calmness forsaken in the moment,
as the air greets respectful silence,
one last goodbye denied,
in the sudden end of lite.

Yet the worst I fear
is to be a memory,
buried underground.

While my legacy of love,
peeled away from beating hearts

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

wesley snow

Fri, 2014-08-29 16:01

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Grammatically we need "worst" instead of "worse".

Yet the worse (worst) I fear

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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alidzain

Fri, 2014-08-29 16:25

alidzain's picture

for the visit and the correction.

Alid

author comment

wesley snow

Fri, 2014-08-29 17:34

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I don't know what your schedule is like, but I would be pleased if you looked in on the syllabus for Dramatic Verse, Rula's and my next workshop. You might find it enlightening.
That goes for you to Lovedly. I never get to see you in a workshop. That's too sad.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

lovedly

Fri, 2014-08-29 17:43

lovedly's picture

loved is still real

glad you know
how adamant is loved
shy of revealing ignorance too

at best
at worse.
in free verse

lovedly

Fri, 2014-08-29 17:14

lovedly's picture

double post

lovedly

Fri, 2014-08-29 22:39

lovedly's picture

then I will=have

Ian.T

Fri, 2014-08-29 19:31

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Why do you stand there at were they put my body.
I am not there, but here at your side,
Just call my name and I will draw close to you
Fear nothing as I will never go away.
What more can I say..
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

alidzain

Fri, 2014-08-29 20:08

alidzain's picture

my fear is for my loved ones
for the world can be seductive
distracting them from all that matters
while time slips away, unnoticed....

Alid

author comment

weirdelf

Sun, 2014-08-31 13:12

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To fear death is to me like fearing eating and breathing, it is a necessity of life. I fear the death of others as I fear pain and illness. All is one.

When humanity 'discovered' death, in a cognitive, sentient form, it immediately tried to learn to beat it, first through religion, then medicine, then lasting achievements like art. All futile, even the pyramids will be gone in a few million years.

Yet if death has a purpose, a redeeming feature, it is that it produces fine verse like this. My compliments to your "rage against the dying of the light".

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

alidzain

Sun, 2014-08-31 13:45

alidzain's picture

Thank you for the visit and the comment.

Alid

author comment

lovedly

Tue, 2014-09-02 15:28

lovedly's picture

my fear of death poetry
inspired by you
please do

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