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Fear of Death

Submitted by Mark on Sat, 2020-08-15 22:00

How young could you act?
Forty-Five? Is that a fact?
So embarrassed, you
Your sister truly
Told the inquisitive me
Sixty your birthday
Next weekend on Saturday
No matter, I know
We will still bang in the snow

Before me, she’s gone
Used me as a chess game pawn
Still, a ton of fun
About her weight, tell no one

Insecurity
Yet the spontaneity
Her death so sudden
Fair skinned sexual kitten

Style / type: 
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
Last few words: 
True Story
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

lovedly

Sat, 2020-08-15 22:13

lovedly's picture

death and birth
are two sides of the same coin
just toss it
some die even before they are born
still born
some don't die
till a doc comes in
EUTHANASIA
may be no sin

Mark

Sun, 2020-08-16 01:57

Mark's picture
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Thanks for your comment,
Mark

Please comment anywhere anytime.

author comment

Teddy15

Thu, 2020-08-20 17:13

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Oh yes i see it, she was telling you to grow up in a playful way and then oh my. I see it clearly now! Come tell some more?

Thank you...Teddy

Mark

Thu, 2020-08-20 17:35

Mark's picture
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tattling on her sister during dinner.
Her death is still labeled as mysterious.
Another way to brighten up the cemetery is with epitaph

Diane was one
Down on every gun
Look at her rose covered arse
She's still lots of fun
lol
Thank You for stopping in,

Oh I'm sorry about the edit here but so far as the construction, it is a string of Rhyku or rhyming Haiku that tells the story of an old GF of mine and our life together and her sudden death.
Mark

Please comment anywhere anytime.

author comment

Teddy15

Thu, 2020-08-20 17:34

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Thanks so much. (Hugs)

Thank you...Teddy

Teddy15

Thu, 2020-08-20 17:40

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Space it out , I would never have looked nor known. Just to say X excellent and even more poweful.

Thank you...Teddy

Gracy

Sat, 2020-08-22 20:48

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Hi Mark, I like your poem, though it's so sad. I'm sending you my condolences, even if it's way too late.
Interesting about the structure of your poem. I had not seen it before. Always learning something new.
The title, topic and spacing are fine. No nits.
I hope you've moved forward and are happy now. All the best, Gracy

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

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