Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

The Famous For Being Famous Syndrome

I know what is best
you don't
go away
let Me do it

I am

don't do that
don't buy that
don't go there
don't say that
don't even think it
I will know

I will

did I just say that out loud?
my handlers are gonna be so pissed
but that's their job...to fix what I say

my job is to be Me
make you swoon about Me
create a scene around Me
be the most flamboyant Me that I can be

ciao, got to get back to it
you can thank Me later

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

with your usual extra take.
Always enjoy reading your work Al.
Jx

------------
Remember we are a workshop site.
Don't forget to offer critique on poems you read.

thanks Jane
If the "extra take" becomes bothersome, please reprimand me
I always feel the need to say more
I'm sure at times the last bits are redundant or unnecessary
but can't seem to help myself!

later m'lady,

Al

author comment

I'm an extra take kinda person. Always enjoy that final twist.
Jx

------------
Remember we are a workshop site.
Don't forget to offer critique on poems you read.

Ha. You scene stealer, you!

Enjoyed.

hello, thank you, good bye

...Oh! and glad you found it enjoyable....

Al

author comment

portrait of certain personages. The ones that always know the best way to do anything. When they screw up, it's always because of someone or something beyond their control. Or because someone deliberately sabotaged them. Nice job Al, I especially liked the last two lines. ~ Gee.
.

The addition of a premium-membership can:
Help you navigate the site easier, change and create the look of your profile-page!
Just see what you can do! Add a bit of flavor to your profile and kick it up a notch!

...and yet, they become famous, and even richer than when they started.
makes one wonder, does it not?
thanks for thoughts and impression

Al

author comment

I like the imagery, the colorful word choice, and that in such a concise poem you manage to express so much. There seems to be a rhyme scheme, but it is broken randomly, which evokes a sense of chaos and instability - this goes right in line with the poem, so major kudos if you did that deliberately; even if it was accidental, that could be your talent acting subconsciously - either way, it's good. However, a few things threw me off a little bit as a reader. Speaking of rhymes, I'd avoid segments like "cotton ball walls" because you have two words rhyme within the line, and that tends to be a little messy. Such rhymes are normally saved for comic poetry, where throwing the reader off is part of the poem. I'd also urge you to adopt some manner of metric organization (iambic pentameter, etc.). The reason for this is that, with a set and somewhat strict scheme, you could actually create more chaos and discord by subverting the scheme (adding an additional iamb, inverting iambs, messing with the flow in all manner of ways). This would contrast with the normal strictness of metrical schemes and further amplify the discordant sense your poem seems to be about. Otherwise it is quire good, keep up the great work!

Mario Vitale

thanks, Mario, for the thoughtful critique
I will try to remember the suggestions for future woks.

metric organization has always been my bane
I usually go by instinct
maybe I should re-examine my method from time to time...actually learn the basics,
...but my laziness usually prevails! Oh, well....

thanks again

Al

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.