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Fallen

Falling to the earth
The ground caught me
I absorbed the sun rise
Inhaled cool fog
Felt dawn on my skin
Leafs blow from messy hair
Morning dew tingling on my feet
Wind becoming a sweet song
Blowing through the trees
Birds soaring overhead
My eyes so open
I found new beauty
Stretching my wings in sunlight
Nature whirling around me
Clouds so inthralling
I catch wind
Feathers flutter
Like hundreds of butterfly's
I make stride
Take air
Flying into cyrulian
Angels fall few and far between
Reborn in a fickle place
Shining guardians of grace

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

People believed in pantheists, Zeaus, The Great sSpaghetti monster, Judaism, and more recently Allah. and no doubt there will be more religions for people who hate themselves.

Consider loving science, the search for knowledge and truth.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

So you contiune to reem me about my beliefs. You have insaulted my poetry with your anti-christian ramblings. Do you even like my poetry or do you just want me to get the stupid premium membership!?! And get me to through away my belief in Christ. If you are not a christian i will not judge you. God does not wish me to judge anyone. I would like you to know you brought an 18 year old girl to tears. I would also like you to why. Simply because you called my Savior my Father my brother my protecter my Shepard a bastard. I dont know why you cant just read my poetry and move on. Why must you preach to me!?!

I will pray for you weirdelf.

The Unknown Poet

Make a donation we can't stay without poets like you.

author comment

and will refrain from mentioning your faith again.

Yes, I do like your poetry, you have a wordcrafters skill.

My tagline about Premium membership goes on all my comments, it is not just directed at you. Neopoet is trying to be self supporting.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

I hold my faith with white knuckles. I should not have tried to make you feel bad. Please forgive my harsh words, and my rash thinking.

Cheers

The Unknown Poet

Make a donation we can't stay without poets like you.

author comment

alll in the genes
its teens

loved

thanks for your grace in forgiveness.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

I should thank you for your patience . Thank you I am glad you re read it.

The Unknown Poet

Make a donation we can't stay without poets like you.

author comment

patience or how u do know

loved

How I do so enjoy reading your poems Shyanne,
your sense of flight like mine,
although we have different aims.

Love Ann

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

We are a part of nature, as much as, nature is part of us, Unfortunately living life in the fast lane, makes us lose track of this connection, but when we connect how it transforms us is nicely expressed in your poem...

raj (sublime_ocean)

people grab me and make me sit to watch minnows
to chill and meditate by a river or creek
to see if i can do it
to see the change from my usual chaotic rush
that i love to live
striding about or doing my skid stops
at the cafe on my mountian bike

our machine broke at work
and we waited for a mechanic
resting in a field
there was nothing to do

watching clouds and chewing
on grass stalks
that was fifteen years ago

but memory ellicit from a poem
speaks well

here.

thank you!

line 3 , I believe sunrise is supposed to be one word. I've read this and I must say you do have skills in you, my friend.

Alid

I have dyslexia I typo constantly. Thanks for catching it.

The Unknown Poet

Make a donation we can't stay without poets like you.

author comment

you're most welcome. Just want you to know when you look into my works, that I only get serious with English poetry writing when I joined Neopoet, so I'm still considered an amateur. Most of the time I write in Malay and I am proud to say that some of them are good enough to be published in the local Malay papers here but when it comes to English poetry writing, I find myself struggling.
Shayne I wrote about the death of my friend in "The Final Journey." I talked about some of what I feel in "I Am Me", I told myself to be strong in "Phoenix", I talked about a friend's struggle in "A New Beginning" , I talked about my friendship in "Remembrance" and I shared the lessons I've learnt from the past in "Yesterday". I wrote for fun in "Vampire's Night"
Shayne, I will be honoured if you are willing to check on them and offer your critiques, feedback and constructive suggestions so that I can learn from you. Of course, I'm not asking you to rush. Just check on them when you have the time, dear. Thanks.

The Learning Poet
Alid

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