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Faking Dimples

Life never seems simple
Every day I fake dimples
To bury a secret
So no one can read it
If I could
You know I would
I am about to break
And you just take and take
I don't need peace
When you take pieces
Of me
Please don't turn out the light
Everything is not... alright
Life is a race
I cannot keep the pace
People ask what I am doing
But I am not sure where I am going
People think I am flying
On the inside I am dying
This is my knife
Deep into my life
It's hard to pretend
When I see no end
Do not tell me to pray
When I struggle day by day
Life is not simple
So I fake dimples

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Last few words: 
This poem is actually finished. In was published by The World Poetry Movement. It is in their poetry volume entitled Stars In Our Hearts.
Editing stage: 

Comments

teens

loved

Simple, powerful expression.

If I have a critique it is only this... and it is hard to say. It makes you a dishonest victim.
Perhaps that is its strength? We all put dimples on our pain.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

I am not sure any poem is every truly complete. I believe that as life lifts us up to beat us down that our perspective of the past is altered. I often find different sentiment for poems when I return to them years later. But maybe that's just me. I digress.

It is another solid work from you. You write with unbridled emotion and I like that. I do, however, have a couple of suggestions for you. I got tripped up when you changed the rhyme scheme. Perhaps the work should be broken into stanzas there to allow for the change. My other suggestion with regards to the rhyme change would be to move the lines "I don't need peace, When you take pieces, Of me" to the end of the poem.

One last item. The line "I don't need peace" doesn't read well for me. It feels like a slip in logic. May I suggest "I don't need your peace"

Good work.

8

Scott

its the expression of feeling. its powerful.

Alid

First poem I got published

The Unknown Poet

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author comment

It;s good that Alid brought this back to life...I couldn't agree more with what he has said and would like to add...may the true dimples light up again...

Regain..

raj (sublime_ocean)

May smiles always be real. Bless you

The Unknown Poet

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author comment

women only fake
ORGASMS
you indicate
manly spasms
in faking dimples
any way a painfully
good expression
this evenings session
make your confession

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