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This Factory Life

you don't have to scream
i am standing
right here
next to you
and you know
despite me
i can be
the type of boy
that comes closer
to hear
i have this voice too
like the roar of a machine
but getting tired
with this factory life
and through the windows
(that I somehow never noticed before)
i caught a glimpse of a darkening sky
and through these openings
i can smell
the smell
of water on asphalt
and I think the dust will wash away
than i thought
and i think
that i don't want to hear this roar
we can make a pact you know
(like blood brothers in the summers of
long ago)
we can come in a little closer
til a whisper sounds just like a scream
close enough that the hands are on the
and there's no reason
for shaking
this is
(of course)
if you are as tired of screaming as i am
we can step outside this factory life
we can step inside
where the silence
is something to hear
trying our best to stop
and praying to God we aren't deaf
after all that noise

Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content


being old school, and wanting to see capitals and punctuation.
I like the form you have chosen here. I think it makes it look more like two voices
small amidst the factory noise that we have made of society.
One thing that I might change, would be the line:

"I can smell the smell of water on asphalt" I would say

I can smell the odor of water on asphalt.
beyond that; I wouldn't change a thing! ~ Geezer.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

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