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Facsimile of the human psyche unravelled.

Submitted by lou on Thu, 2010-12-23 01:13

Finger tips etching grooves into the earth’s crust,
I’m clinging , precariously,
Frantic struggling, against the abyss.

I’m an enigma,
Descending into ambiguity.
Clutching at sanity.

Mistrust of reality,
Crushed under its gravity.
Grinding me into dust.

Cataclysmic hush,
As my world, rolls in on itself.
Leaving a husk of my former self.

Be still, be quiet,
In a holding pattern.
Inertia creeping.

I’m ineffectual ,
Off the radar.
I’m in stasis.

Facsimile of the human psyche unravelled.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Now that the contest is over I thought I would post my version on stream.
Editing stage: 
Not actively editing

Comments

lou

Thu, 2010-12-23 04:59

lou's picture

thank you very much

love lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

Candlewitch

Fri, 2010-12-24 07:38

Candlewitch's picture
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Cataclysmic hush,
As my world, rolls in on itself.
Leaving a husk of my former self.

This reminds me of the way I was before I was medicated for my OCD and depression. It really touched me.

love, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

lou

Fri, 2010-12-24 08:04

lou's picture

we seem to be suffering from the same things, except i'm not on medication.

i'm so pleased that you like it, i hope it didn't upset you.

love lou xx

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

ziggy

Fri, 2010-12-24 13:59

hey there wow wee this is as good from you as I remember
and I don,t say that often i'm truly impressed
on first couple of reads I cant pick fav lines
this is one to mark ,,,,,,,,,,,,ziggy xx

I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.

lou

Fri, 2010-12-24 14:23

lou's picture

I am very happy that you are so impressed.

Thank very much.

Lou xx

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

Hooded Stranger

Sat, 2010-12-25 07:58

Hooded Stranger's picture

Lou,

as you know we had our own competition and I declared yours better than mine...I lied!! LOL!

Here is the best one:

Facsimile

Facsimile of the human psyche unravelled
Reveals a paper trail of the life I've travelled
Incriminating evidence of my vital force now found
Like the endless paper on the fax, I fall without sound

Attacked, by the fax
Back-tracked into the crack
Trapped by the facts
Slapped by the unseen smack

Facsimile of the virtual spirit is revealed
Unravels a path of the life I thought concealed
Accusing proof of my stained and broken soul
Like the paper in the bin, I fail the quality control

© 2010 hoodedstranger.com

We should have a challenge like this more often. Seriously yours was better in my opinion.

Hope you don't mind me using your posting to selfishly post mine!

Hope your Xmas is going well,

regards,

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

lou

Sat, 2010-12-25 08:34

lou's picture

Of course I don't mind, mine is clearly better LOL!!

I'm going to get together with my family later, so that will be nice, as I adore my nephews.

Hope your day is going well.

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment
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