Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Facing Limitations

This is getting nowhere
my mind is still a blank
don't know what to write yet
I'm stuck!
what's the word that's right now?
how do I describe IT?
complications due to limitations
brings forth tension

I cried out in frustration
staring at the screen like a fool
Need to break away for awhile
so I stand before the mirror
and make funny faces
laughing at myself.
Poor me, I can't be
as good as Rula, Mand, Raj and Ian

Wait a minute!!!
why the self pity?
I can still be the best of me!
Reading their feedbacks, I realize
they never say my work is terrible
this self-doubting is silly!

I have friends here
sharing the same interest,
who can be my teachers
introducing me to different styles of writing

I can be the caterpillar turning into a butterfly,
a new version of me with colourful wings
The limitations i am facing today
is just another mountain in my life.
Facing it will not be easy
but I know in time I will find
all these struggles will be worthwhile.....

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
I dedicate this piece to all of you.You guys have been great!
Editing stage: 

Comments

hope you like it

author comment

Khalid. I was waiting you to submit something for the workshop when you surprised me with this. I am sure all will like it. I agree it's only a phase you're going through. I suggest that you submit it to the workshop by choosing the shop's name from the Workshop window and choose the "Complete poem-Start to Finish." , unless you're preparing something else for the workshop.

A small typo Line 5 what's the right word{s}

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

I've corrected the mistake. actually i did have submitted another for the workshop before this and i thought you could only submitted one poem for the workshop...my mistake is that it is a short one, maybe people can't discuss much about it....

Alid

author comment

The first one that i have posted for the workshop is entitled 'Broken'...Its about child prostitution.

Alid

author comment

you have depicted frustration of encountering what is called a Writer's Block...I believe at some point or another everyone encounters it...me included...in fact you have written much better here than me...

what i liked about this is the concluding stanza which expresses your joy at finding a thread to build your poetry by not giving up but through a persuasive effort...

I can be the caterpillar turning into a butterfly,
a new version of me with colourful wings
The limitations i am facing today
is just another mountain in my life.
Facing it will not be easy
but I know in time I will find
all these struggles will be worthwhile

yes Adil...all these efforts will surely be worth while and we will like to read more from you...

raj (sublime_ocean)

thanks for the feedback. Actually i wanted to write a poem about Palestine but what I get in my head is blank. in the end I decided to just write about my feelings at that moment.thanks for telling me its writer's block.that's a new term for me..

God bless,
Alid

Still remember how I used to make my mum crazy when I have the same situation in the past. The trash basket is often filled with my crumpled papers of my failed attempts on writing poetry and I keep forgetting to clear the basket eveytime!

author comment

Everyone has nice things to say about the poem, so I'm going be critical (that is my job).
The subject is an old one and a good one. You arranged it well with an exposition, a complication, a climax and a resolution (please see the main thread concerning these things... it will help you to understand what you did well and why the poem worked in that sense).
Proofread please.
In the first stanza "still" is missing its "t". In the next "can't" needs an apostrophe. This is not nit picking. I would very much like you to never offer anything that is not exactly what you intend it to be. If you misspell a word it must be because you wanted to for effect and not because you missed it. This is important for any writer, but critical for a poet because we will often abuse language to purpose.
Next is meter. I don't know what you understand of metric organization, but I did not care for the mish mash of meters here. It had the effect of making it sound like prose. Even verso libre (free verse) requires a consistent meter to sound elegant. Without meter we simply run on at the mouth. The subject is good, but the delivery needs works.
How much do you understand about poetic meter? If you are interested Rula and I would love to help. It is why we are here.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

Thank you. for the correction. Truth is I am still trying to figure out what the poetic meter really is. Can you give me some examples?I agree that the delivery needs work..In fact that is true for most of my English poems.

Alid

author comment

This is / get- ting / no- where (This line is Trochaic Trimeter, meaning each foot has two syllables with the first stressed or accented while the second is not. Trimeter means there are three Trochaic feet in the verse).

my mind / is still blank (your first foot is Iambic, but your second is Anapest. Those two meters are often paired, so don't panic. The length is Dimeter or two poetic feet).

don't know / what to / write (The bold type signifies the accented syllable. This is Trochaic Trimeter, the accent is on the first syllable, the opposite of Iamb. The last syllable is alone [write] which makes this line catalectic [with a hanging foot]).

I'm stuck! (This is a spondee, two accented syllables).

what's the / right word? (A Trochee and an Iamb).

how to / de- scribe?

Do you see the pattern or lack thereof? Your meter is inconsistent and it causes the poem to read a bit like prose instead of poetry. If you want ongoing help with this I am at your disposal. 

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

sir, what is the better way to deliver the same message? how will you write it?

Alid

author comment

Reworking a poem from start to finish that has an inconsistent meter seldom works, but here is an example written in Trochee which is what your first line is in.

"This is / get- ting / no- where,

mind is / still a / blank slate. (I don't like this. "blank slate" is rather Phyrric, meaning two unaccented syllabes).

Don't know / what to / write yet.

I'm stuck! (There is nothing wrong here. It is an exclamation and it works).

What's the / word that's / right now?

How do / I de- / scribe it?

All I have done is rewrite it in Trochee, so it moves better. It is not necessarily good. The rhythm is even and that is all.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

i'll do the editing.

alid

author comment

The next piece of the workshop is to find make a list of harsh words and gentle words in your poem, I have had a small go at it for you to see maybe some of mine are not correct but this is just to show you what is needed:-
22 lines with a harsh output where the writer is not happy
To me these words are "Cacophonous words "

blank getting nowhere stuck
tension limitations staring
break Need Poor Wait
minute can't pity terrible
self-doubting

Then 11 lines that contain "Euphonious words."
Words which you can find, that are more gentle.
Not sure if there is a balance needed for the works.

You have a go at some other works and see what you come up with, Take care out there, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

thank you very much, Ian.

Alid

author comment

As Jess (Weirdelf) would say try and read some classic poetry from the greats.
Find one that suits your style use that for a while then branch out into other ways.
But find something you are comfortable with.
Take care Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Remember that this is a subjective art. What is lovely to one poet is ugly to another. It is of course easier to aim for one or the other in a new poem, but first we must recognize that some sounds are indeed prettier than others.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

Sorry for the wait, but here is the list of words you've asked for

Cacophonous words -
blank getting nowhere stuck
tension frustration limitations staring
break Need Poor Wait
minute can't pity terrible
self-doubting, struggles

Euphonious words-
funny laughing friends
butterfly
colourful wings
worthwhile

Alid

author comment

... that "nowhere" and "poor" are euphonic. Also, beware things like "butterfly". It's relatively pretty, but don't assume something is euphonic because of its connotations. Butterflies are pretty, but that doesn't make the word so. We are concerned solely with the sound the word makes and not what it means.
Thanks for doing the work.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

My reading.
Please forgive faults and errors,
I'm trying to do a reading for everyone in the workshop.
http://vocaroo.com/i/s0u1cNIdsIor

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

... you're blowing me away. Also, if I didn't know better I would say you are Australian.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

I strenuously deny being Australian,
I'm a kiwi now

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.