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An Eye On Humanity

Looking through the window
doesn't always guarantee
a beautiful view nor
would necessarily show
a pastoral landscape;

there could be no dreamy plains,
nor creeks, nor placid streams,
or sleepy lakes,

but it'll often offer
a view onto the life
of the indolent,
of the cantankerous,
of the coquette,
the gauche and the bold.

More than once
you'd feel the pain
and touch the softness
of the lenient, forgiving air.
You'd smell the fragrance
of innocence.

That window is an eye
on humanity.

Editing stage: 

Comments

Exquisite write Rula creating a a poetic landscape...
...........................................................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

Gentlemen!
Exquisite was your visit.
You've simply made my day!

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

author comment

Different window offer differing views of the landscape but the humanity seen is always its varied same.....stan

Thanks for the read Stan.
I appreciate it though can't say that I've fully got your message /comment.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

author comment

Yes dear Rula
humanity IS a complicated affair,
which is why I am always pleased someone with a soft and giving heart.

T

The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight

appreciate your kind words dear tyro.
Sorry for the belated reply.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

author comment

I think there are some very strong ideas and stanzas which work really well. I will express myself freely about some aspects of the poem. Going stanza to stanza:

looking through
the window,
doesn't always guarantee you (spell check!)
a beautiful view:

There is no established pace or meter; perhaps

Looking through
the window,
doesn't guarantee (spell check!)
a beautiful view:

See what I mean. or better, hear what I mean? Each line has a few syllables which connect.

I mean it doesn't necessarily
show a real landscape:
there could be no dreamy plains
or creeks,
nor placid streams,
or sleepy lakes,

I would advise never start a line in a poem starting with "I mean..." let the poem say what you mean. At this point, since the point of the poem is seeing through windows into other people's lives I would say that. In the view from my study all I see is a wall of windows of other apartments, other lives. I think you should introduce this is your view, rather than what it is not. It is a "real" landscape, just a human one, not a pastoral one.

but it'll often offer a view
onto the life
of the indolent,
of the cantankerous,
of the coquette, the gauche (spell check!)
and the bold.

The first line should be shortened. and I think more direct- It offers a view/onto the life...
The rest of stanza is very good music, word play, a diversity of ideas.

_more than once_
you'd feel the pain
and touch the softness of the
lenient, forgiving air, (spell check!!)
and smell
the fragrance of innocence (spell check!!)
every now and then.

I don't understand the underscore. you don't need "every now and then" as "more than once" says it. The body of this stanza is also strong images and draws the reader nicely deeper into the subject.

that window is
an eye
on humanity

I don't get the window is the eye, it is not what is seeing, it is the gateway of your seeing. As you said you are looking through the window.

There are a few spell issues which you should use word spell to correct, or the spell function of this site. As you are using commas and some periods, I think you should cap the first letter of all sentences. (and be consistent with periods)

So i think this is a good sketch with some very strong aspects. I hope my comments will help you as you continue to craft the poem.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

Much appreciate everything you've offered to ameliorate this piece. Thanks too for the hawk eye. I rushed this one from my cell-phone so seems that the site spell-checker doesn't work there.
I edited adopting your suggestions through out.

However, as for the eye , I don't really agree with you as I thought it (the eye) doesn't really see but it is the organ that allows us to see, and so is the window.

Thank you again. Highly appreciate your effort and the time.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

author comment

it's a pleasure (or a curiosity, perhaps) to see what you, as a poet, are seeing through the windows of life. I love the image and language of, "linient, forgiving air." a poem that makes you think about all of the uniquely broken characters in life, and beauty that can be experienced (like a good view or a fresh breath of air) through mercy.
greg

it is really my pleasure to know you've found here something of value to read.
thank you.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

author comment

Hey Rula

You missed me and Scribbler

T

The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight

For the reminder dear tyro.
Unintentionally skipped.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

author comment

Hi Rula.

tried to capture the essence of your poem in a Sunku...not sure if i could do enough justice

our eyes
are windows
leading to soul

be them
open to
all the beauty

as too
to perceive
a silent cry
.......................................................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

It's a great pleasure to know that my poem inspired you to write this "beauty" though I used the window as an access to the world while you've employed the eye. You've absolutely captued the essence of my piece and added to it which I really like.
I also liked the message you've delivered
through out especially the call to open our eyes onto the beauty.
Always a pleasure to read.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

author comment

it is like when the yarn [substance] is good one can make a good cloth...the substance of your poem is superb.....good to know you liked the Sunku and not offended by my experimentation...

shall I take it as a license allowing me to do likewise as and when there is an opportunity? :)
................................................................................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

author comment

Indeed. You don't need even to ask.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

author comment

Thanks Rula for an open license and trusting me that I will try to do justice while experimenting..like a good Mentor
........................................................................................................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

of lovedly's
unread poetry
now this site disheartens me
I post minuscule poetry

you cover all mostly
as you have no control
what on roads goes
a cavalcade
a mob or only a small fellow
selling many a hue of rose

'''a view onto the life
of the indolent,
of the cantankerous,
of the coquette,
the gauche and the bold......the list can never end....>>>>

a view onto the life
of the indolent,
of the cantankerous,
of the coquette,
the gauche and the bold.

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