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Expression [Epistle]
you have touched me in my life
more than you might've known
but I've felt your joy as well as strife
when you walked those paths alone
one never might praise the sun
though we walk in its light white
for me you have been that one
who burns to make lives bright
your words aren't sugar coated lies
they're a mix of stones and candies
you slap me when I need a slap
clap only when I deserve a clap
in learning there is always earning
I've prospered reading your lines
may your candle keep on burning
in your light I shall strive to shine
Humbly and gratefully yours.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
Over the years I have followed many poets here informally as my Mentors. I have used the June Contest form Epistle to express my sincere gratitude not only to them but to all those who have enriched my journey here by reading their poems and receiving their positive and/or negative comments / critique to my submissions in stream.
I had read somewhere "remember the spring when you drink from its stream"...it relates so very well to Neopoet Community.
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
lovedly
Tue, 2018-06-05 15:23
u started as a lovely sonnet midstream why did u change ur mindd
"remember the spring
when you drink from its stream"...
it relates so very well to Neopoet Community...
I have always exhorted all poets
to compose what they love to
as so many different poets
will have their own views
It is easy to point out
what has been built
the cracks
in Taj Mahal
exist still !!!
but not having been the creator
marks once
GUILT
So depend upon your own built
had the other known
he wouldn't have now shown his silt....
the sand in far away deserts
show the shine
even when oasis are not there to chime
the vibrations are seen as a mirage
so are poets
many a CROWNS
collage
but you stay
as a poet large
O Neo's raj
raj
Tue, 2018-06-05 15:29
Thanks Lovedly for taking the
Thanks Lovedly for taking the time to read and for sharing your thoughts and comments..
....................................................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentlovedly
Thu, 2018-06-21 13:46
;
..
gregwa8
Wed, 2018-06-06 03:56
I feel the love in this piece
I feel the love in this piece. a thoughtful poem, considering the people in their own journeys as well as intersecting with your own.
raj
Wed, 2018-06-06 04:48
thanks Greg
appreciating your read and comment...good to know you liked it..
................................................................................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentOriginalRhyku
Sat, 2018-06-23 16:40
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raj
Wed, 2018-06-06 14:04
thanks for taking the time to
thanks for taking the time to read and comment...good to know you liked it and the sentiments expressed...i was looking forward to do it and when I learnt what Epistle is...seized the opportunity to express my gratitude...
..............................................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentIRiz
Wed, 2018-06-06 21:44
It is gorgeous and sincere
It is gorgeous and sincere right.
It is very well written, no overused words and simple (in its best meaning) language.
It makes me feel as if you talking to me personally (but I know better of course), but it feels that way because you found this sincere tone of voice.
One suggestion, I think i would like the line
clap only when I deserve a clap,
to be replaced to
applaud only when I deserve applauding
best wishes, Irene
IRiz
raj
Thu, 2018-06-07 13:48
Thanks IRiz
for taking time to read and for your comment appreciating the write. Yes...it is a sincere expression of gratitude to all those who have contributed value to my learning when I read their poems, comments and critique. Of course you are one of them.
noted your suggestion to replace "clap only when I deserve a clap" to "applaud only when I deserve applauding"...will give it a thought before changing because it may disturb the rhyme sequence...
thanks again and continue to guide me through your suggestions...comments and critique
...............................................................................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentRula
Thu, 2018-06-21 08:39
Dear raj
I think the Neopoet community helped us all in a way or another to grow with our poetry. The sincerity of your words shine all through. It's a tribute that any teacher /mentor would love to hear and read.
How I miss Mr. Wesley. I wish to know what happened to him and what went wrong with him. He was a great mentor. I would have never done it without him and friends alike him.
Thank you for this delicious piece dear raj.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
raj
Thu, 2018-06-21 13:42
Hi Rula
appreciate your taking time to read at a time when I believe you are still busy catching up with your responsibilities after the month of Ramdan...
as mentioned in the epistle ...this is my attempt to express my sincere gratitude to those like you who have helped me during the past 7 plus years i have been privileged to be part of Neopoet community...
warmly...
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raj (sublime_ocean)
author comment