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Essence [Tanka & Sunku Versions]
i. Tanka Version
like musical notes
true essence of a poem
is sensed with eyes closed
we don't need to touch the buds
just inhale their mood in bloom
.............................................................
II. Sunku Version
need not
touch a bud
to feel her charm
behold
the innate
virgin beauty
inhale
her vibrant
poem in bloom
Style / type:
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
This is my experimental attempt to post a poem with same theme in two forms - first in Tanka short verse 5/7/5/7/7 syllable sequence and an even shorter form Sunku having 3 stanzas each with 2/3/4 syllable counts trying to conform to the aesthetics of Sunku to show how the same theme can be expressed even in much fewer words...
Editing stage:
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Comments
IRiz
Wed, 2018-06-06 21:35
I like the sunku better. (I
I like the sunku better. (I might be bias, smirking)
IRiz
raj
Thu, 2018-06-07 13:59
Hi IRiz
No wonder you liked the Sunku version as I do too. As mentioned in the last few words...my intent in super imposing both forms was to project to those who are new to Sunku form wasto demonstrate how a lot more can be said in so few words with that element of allowing the reader to have his/her own perception as in Sunku....of course as the innovator of this form you know all this whereas others haven't as yet read it...
.................................................................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentIRiz
Thu, 2018-06-07 16:44
I agree with you, it is a
I agree with you, it is a good example you made
IRiz
raj
Thu, 2018-06-07 16:17
I appreciate your
I appreciate your acknowledgement of my intent to do little I can to popularize / project this innovative form of poetry...thanks for that...
............................................................................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentIRiz
Thu, 2018-06-07 16:44
Thank you.
Thank you.
IRiz