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Escape

Submitted by lonlyhrtsclub13 on Fri, 2017-10-27 15:14

Iridescent light,
The full moon's call,
Attracting my weakness,
Overpowering the fight.

Beckoning from my window,
Pulling at my bones,
Asking me to join
To leave this nothingness behind,

To the ledge I run,
Unable to resist,
Breaking through the glass,
So much not to miss.

On blackened wings I fly,
Utterly alone
To where broken spirits die
Free of eternal strife

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Geezer

Fri, 2017-10-27 16:44

Geezer's picture
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and lonely thoughts! Felt the pain and the helplessness. Not sure that sub-consciously is the right word there. A bit cliché perhaps, but maybe [utterly] alone? ~ Gee.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

lonlyhrtsclub13

Fri, 2017-10-27 16:48

lonlyhrtsclub13's picture

I was a little uncertain about subconsciously as well, figured a fresh set of eyes may be able to help. I will change it to utterly and see what it does.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment

Eumolpus

Fri, 2017-10-27 20:03

Eumolpus's picture

"This nothingness" will pass. I sense so much the suffering you are going through in this poem, and you are calling out. Create a new universe with your poetry, you have the skills. You will find others, like me, to share it with.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

lonlyhrtsclub13

Fri, 2017-10-27 20:46

lonlyhrtsclub13's picture

Writing serves as a catharsis for me...over my years on and off of Neo I have learned to tone it Down a little and work on form and flow. Still working at it. I went thru today and redid my profile a bit, unpublished some pretty rough writings. I will be on more now.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment

Marvel Godwyn

Sat, 2017-10-28 14:42

Marvel Godwyn's picture

A beautiful poem depicting emotions lurking in the core. Thanks for sharing lonlyrtsclub13.

Numero Negative...

Sat, 2017-10-28 16:25

Went to church yesterday and end up in a mental institute today...the Lord is as amazing as 0
You may see Zero yet I see a hero and the meaning of life is to live to the fullest
Only need one Drag off the cig...don't push it...No Genra this shit chere is just music

Sorry bout that great job

lonlyhrtsclub13

Sat, 2017-10-28 17:16

lonlyhrtsclub13's picture

I am glad you liked it. I've learned a lot from my time on Neo. It is nice to be able to apply it and see good results.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment
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