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Erotica

Submitted by lou on Fri, 2011-01-28 00:16

I trace your jaw line with my tongue. 
Tasting salty flesh.
I surround your Adams Apple with my lips.

I kiss my way down your chest
With gentle suction. 
Then nibbles causing, sensuous reverberation   

Phallic surrender, as you pay attention
and I travel lower.
Caressing with my hand.

The target is found and zero in,
I go in for the kill
and you surrender.

Moist lips lock
erotic after shock.
We lose control.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
WARNING !!!! Sexual content
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

lou

Fri, 2011-01-28 04:34

lou's picture

Do you think it's too much ? Damn that parkinsons medication lol

lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

ziggy

Sat, 2011-01-29 13:59

hey there lord what can a shy Irish man say
about this lol, the wording in very good ,
the title sits perfectly ,,,,zigs

I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.

raj

Sat, 2011-01-29 15:52

the use of subtle words in this write work like magic...no wonder Shirl said she felt the tingles..this write does create vivid images of the coital act without being obscene...thats the beauty of this poem...

raj (sublime_ocean)

scribbler

Sat, 2011-01-29 16:10

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For those who don't know the difference between erotic and pornographic, this is a wonderful example of the former. Now to go take a cold shower lol..............scribbler

loved

Sat, 2011-01-29 16:43

loved's picture

non porno

but shall do

and
explicit in view

loved

Kailashana2

Sat, 2011-01-29 18:38

I don't know if it was the coital act Lou was er...expressing. however, I sure think the last line "you're under my control" doesn't belong after "erotic after shock". At this point I'd say he's lost control and in that way, so have you. ;-)

~A

p.s. Nice progression/evolution in this poem from the one you originally wrote...which is more cerebral less evoking the senses.

lou

Sat, 2011-01-29 20:01

lou's picture

Glad u liked it, i needed express myself a little lol Ill sort the I out

love lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

lou

Sat, 2011-01-29 20:04

lou's picture

Thank you for reading, glad you all liked it, hope it wasn't too rude lol

love lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment
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