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ERASED
I pulled off the road today
where I used to watch the pine trees sway
the dozers now have stripped it bare
as if they were never really there
I hunted here in years gone by
beneath every type of sky
while finding hints of people past
their broken dreams that didn't last
The pines were planted years ago
at least thirty years or so
in hopes of growing future gain
sans labor and muscle pain
Rusted plows and sagging fence
told the tale of Mr. Spence
who farmed this land for all his life
raised two sons, buried his wife
Old cornerstones and crumbling flue
from when a pioneer came through
whose wanderlust lead him to leave
for Mississippi I believe
Down near the creek, an Indian mound
where braves and bows were put in ground
I used to sit there near at hand
and dream about this lonely land
A Clovis point from ancient time
when this region had a purer clime
what happened to them no one knows
Did they use long spears or bows ?
But all the traces, all the tales
are gone as are the hills and swales
reduced to a dull red leveled spot
whose story soon will be forgot
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
mand
Fri, 2010-12-17 13:51
Hellooo Stan
I have a family picture of my great grandparents with their children - one of which is my grandmother. Of course I I never meet them. My grandmother died in 1934 and her brothers died before I was born.
I look at their picture and wonder what their lives were like - all gone! They lived on the Island of Alderney - many of my ancestors are buried there and on the Island of Guernsey and Sark. So sad that things have to change - and we wonder and muse. But it's even sadder when it is erased in front of your eyes.
I felt a sad melancholy when I read this one.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Excellent poem Stan! I was truly touched!!
One day I might be able to visit Alderney and Guernsey to see my ancestors graves!!
scribbler
Fri, 2010-12-17 18:13
erased
To see land clear cut or built over with houses is bad enough, but at least the land contours remain. This poem was for all the places where 100 acres and more are completely leveled leaving not even a hint of how it waas. Appreciate your visit and comment.......................................stan
author commentscribbler
Sat, 2010-12-18 07:41
erased
Think what you remember is a similar one titled " Progress ".Always good to see you here..............stan
author commentraj
Wed, 2011-06-22 15:31
Dear Stan
Between the lines of this flowing write
is a myth that may not rhyme
with those who lust with greed for dough
no mercy for those who'll follow
Barren lands with no hope of rain
is the price our kids will've to pay
if paper boats are to find a stream
trees must rise to keep their dreams
raj (sublime_ocean)
scribbler
Wed, 2011-06-22 17:19
hi raj
writer's block? It appears you are recovering lol.........stan
author commentraj
Wed, 2011-06-22 23:22
oh yeah....i was touched by
oh yeah....i was touched by the message in your write putt across so succinctly..
raj (sublime_ocean)
loved
Wed, 2011-06-22 23:50
I NEED ANOTHER PAIR OF GLASSES STAN
I, NEED ANOTHER PAIR OF GLASSES STAN
You say erased
and i perceive raised
wow what a different level
i'm amazed
loved
scribbler
Thu, 2011-06-23 07:15
hi loved
I'm always surprised when I do an edit on an old work(which puts it back toward top of stream) and it gets such a great reception.....stan
author commentscribbler
Thu, 2011-06-23 07:19
Hi Ian
I'm glad you dropped by for a read on this oldie. The clovis people suddenly disappeared. Archeological evidence suggests they vanished at same time a continent wide conflagration occurred.............stan
author comment