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The Equestrian

I encountered a gold palomino
As gentle as gentle could be.
Fresh as a sprinkling of soft snow,
A lady of ladies was she.

She shone like a flame in the sunllght,
Larger than life, as it were,
Almost unerring, but not quite,
I learned about horses from her.


I rode a charcoal grey dapple
Standing some sixteen hands high;
If you fed him a rosy red apple
He'd rear up his fores to the sky.

He stood like a prince in the daylight,
Tossing his head on a whim;
Almost majestic, but not quite,
I learned about horses from him.

I once loved a bay gypsy vanner
As warm as the Maytime in spring;
She had such an exquisite manner
As sweet as the songbirds that sing.

She shone like a flame in the sunlight,
Larger than life, as it were;
Almost unerring, but not quite,
I learned about horses from her.

I dealt with a heavy blonde sorrel
He snorted and stomped all the time;
He always seemed up for a quarrel,
His temper was something sublime.

A monster he could turn into,
A fearsome creature to see;
He'd tower above you
And push you and shove you.
He'd sneer and he'd rear,
Austere to appear.
He'd fight you and trick you
And bite you and kick you
So learn about horses from me.

 

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

quite the horseman! [excuse me, equestrian]. I can't find anything to fault here. I was taken by the fact that you used two different type sets for the work, The emphasis being on the temperament of the horse, made it easy and fun to read. Nice job. ~ Geezer.
.

Come to Chat on the Darkside
every other Saturday night 8pm to ?
Bring your dark and delicious work
to show.

For your valuable critique Geezer. I used italics to make like a chorus, the final stanza being a coda. I don't know if that works or not, I guess that this is the place to find out. I used a volta at stanza 7 to change the mood (hopefully dramatically).
I used a refrain at Stanza 6 and I think that works better in italics.
In many ways it is true story, I've been kicked round the field a few times. The correct name for a horseman where I am is, of course, 'lunatic'!

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Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
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author comment

you see, I'm a retired horseman myself. I had quarter horses and several Appaloosas--no cows nor steers to take to the slaughterhouse. I operated strictly a riding ranch. Speaking of the temperaments in horses--well, I'm all pins and pegs that keep my body together. Still, I love those hay burners and hope to be around to regale you with some of my horse tales (or should I say, tails?).
I see nothing to criticize, Alan. Wonderful to read your verses. They made me miss the old homestead. Great write! Jerry.

Thanks for your kindness. Good to see that you are a horseman. I love the quarter horses. My favourite horse ever, though, is a thoroughbred cross palomino, Roy Rogers' Trigger. I grew up with him in the movies and wrote a poem about him years ago. We have one here like him ~ 23 years old now. My granddaughter does all the riding these days and favours the Irish Connemara. Her favourite is a dapple grey, 4 year old mare.
Any time you want to talk I look forward to it.

Kind regards from Yorkshire, England.,

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
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author comment

would you please post something I can find fault with or correct lol. I must say I am addicted to your writing. Just love the way you arrange your thoughts and words

Bright Side Chat
Tuesday-Fridays
3-4 PM EST

Again your words are wonderful to me. It's easy to write about the things you love, Yes?
You may be in luck today though. I've just posted an Englyn Penfyr effort so you may find plenty in there to find fault with.
I hadn't really time, this month, to get involved in the workshop but I have been following Sam's fine hard work and made a contribution as an 'outsider'. You can knock it about all you like, I don't mind.
Good to hear from you and see you soon,

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
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author comment

thanks, fellow horseman. I have to figure out how to post photos on this here site! Trigger--oh, yes. Some of our horses were featured in Western movies. Great stuff Alan. Yeah, we'll be talking again. Jerry

Hi Alan, I so love horses that your poem struck straight at my heart. All strophes are beautifully written, but to me this one is outstanding;

She shone like a flame in the sunllght,
Larger than life, as it were,
Almost unerring, but not quite,
I learned about horses from her.

I grew up on horses. My Dad put me on a carthorse when I was about 3, it walked off and the reigns dropped, so I was stuck for a while looking at its ears! Not scared, my Dad came to rescue me. And yes, I learned about horses from the horses themselves, as you so deftly put it.
I like the strophe about the "monster horse". I rode a black female who was also flighty, not a monster, but she threw me over her head and I landed, fortunately, on my shoulders and didn't break my neck. It was soft alfalfa, so my T-shirt was all green. After that, I always saddled her and had no more problems. I never told my Dad, he wasn't in agreement about my riding.
I'll return to see other comments. Enjoyed a lot.

Gracy

Your comments are very kind but your story is wonderful. I hope that you enjoyed the poem as much as I did your memories.
It would be good to see you write a poem all about it.

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
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author comment

I'll try, but so far horses haven't come into my poems, as far as I can remember. I love yours. So I'll see whether the muses visit me. Best, Gracy

Gracy

I'm so glad that you came to Neopoet. It's filled with wonderful things for you to enjoy so please enjoy them.

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
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author comment
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