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An Epode of Sorts (Complete Poem Workshop)

Through timelines immemorial
mankind has written poems,
with wordsmith nigh celestial
he filled nigh endless tomes.

Who wrote the first to poesy shape?
When did he recognize
the panacea’s posed escape
from all he did despise?

His epode came before his prose.
He beat the drums aloud.
Heartfelt the elegist knew throes
of joy and pain enshroud.

‘Longside the painter in the cave
the poet sang his song.
He sang of gods and heroes brave
and what he thought was wrong.

And time would pass, though timeless he.
The balladmonger breathes.
An ending he shall never see.
His verses set the masses free.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
An "epode" traditionally uses Trimeter followed by Dimeter, so here is my first problem... one I'll not change which is why I call it an epode "of sorts". I have a problem with the rhyme "prose/throes" as it is not authentic. An authentic rhyme is two like vowel sounds preceded by unlike consonant sounds. I will probably alter this. I am torn over the unlike meter in the last line. Should I fix it or let it run as is?
Editing stage: 

Comments

an interesting story to read. I am happy you've explained the title and the form.
As for the vocabulary, I learned many new words and what I like most is the use of some unfamiliar words (at least for me they look a bit like being 'archaic') , so that fits the theme really well.

One thing I didn't like about the last stanza is the many stops, whereas you've used enjambment almost all through the other stanzas, but that is probabley only me.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
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I hadn't noticed. You see... it really is a rough draft for me. I didn't work it at all, so I'm clueless as to what I wrote.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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author comment

First of all it's rhyming poetry not exact rhyming poetry so you are worrying over nothing as far as the prose/ throes thing is concerned. Now on to the meter change in last stanza. A change in meter can actually benefit a poem by adding emphasis to certain parts of it. So, again , you are too worried about what might not matter. And these 2 comments are from only having read your author notes lol. I have heard from or read in numerous people that the value of knowing the rules of rhyming poetry lies in knowing when to break them. Now I'll actually read the poem and make notes lol..........stan

With the last line thing. It does lend a certain emphasis. As to the rhyme thing... it's a curse.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

Your last few words that say:-
An "epode" traditionally uses Trimeter followed by Dimeter, so here is my first problem... one I'll not change which is why I call it an epode "of sorts". I have a problem with the rhyme "prose/throes" as it is not authentic. An authentic rhyme is two like vowel sounds preceded by unlike consonant sounds. I will probably alter this. I am torn over the unlike meter in the last line. Should I fix it or let it run as is?

Now we are reaching out for those that know of such things, this explanation is of a higher level of poetic form, it would have been better to just call it a poem first then analyse later as we learn these things.
I have been writing for a long time and not having had the correct training at a higher level, I think your piece is too high as a starter.
We know that you are capable of many forms of poetry but can we write a poem first??
Still learning, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I have covered as many of the poems for workshop as my tired mind will allow tonight but I just wanted you to know I have read this one through twice now and have many thoughts on its content, I was taken with it I must admit.

I will return tonight with a fresh mind and my ideas

love JC xx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

Ian, I have to write as I will write. My comments were about what "I" had trouble with. Now I want to know what you think concerning the poem.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

Your piece was near word perfect, just one small niggle, was there a need for the AND at the start of the line that went:-
And time would pass, though timeless he.
It seems extra to the line, was it so that the line was the right length??
A good read all the same,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I don't like starting a sentence with "and" however, it felt appropriate as a "finisher" and yes, something was needed to hold the meter. Being a rough draft I will likely change that especially since you pointed it out. That's proof enough that my instincts were sound and it is not the best choice.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

I tried...and failed to rework the last stanza to fix that meter problem. I agree with you, it is a problem. If you meant to be inconsistent in the meter - for emphasis - it should have happened at least more than once. The last line should be fixed.

All I come up with are horrible, so I'll wait and see what happens.

I have a problem with these, however

"Who wrote the first to poesy shape?" <-- this doesn't feel right.

"His epode came before his prose.
He beat the drums aloud.
Heartfelt the elegist knew throes
of joy and pain enshroud."

I feel the first an second lines above should be one sentence, separated by a semi-colon.

"His epode came before his prose;
he beat the drums aloud.
Heartfelt, the elegist knew throes
of joy and pain enshroud" <-- I have a problem with enshroud.

When I remove the line break, this is what I read: "Heartfelt, the elegist knew throes of joy and pain enshroud" The problem I have is with the tense of "enshroud".

Finally, my weak suggestion for the last stanza

"And time would pass, though timeless he,
the balladmonger breathes
An ending he shall never see:
His verse has set us free."

"the masses" is more dramatic, but...well this is just me trying to help Wesley...which is an incredible idea! :-/

.

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

I didn't read latest comments because I wanted to be unbiased. So if I repeat something you now know why lol.
Stanza 1 too close repeat of "nigh". I know this is easily fixed. Also poem and tome are a bit off in rhyme compared to the rest of this poem.
Stanza 2, l-1 try :Who [formed] the first to poesy shape ....a bit of alliteration
Stanza 3 made me run to dictionary to look up exact meaning of "elegist" lol
Stanza 4, l-1 try :[Beside] the painter in the cave. the rhythm seems a bit better
Last stanza. I think the change in rhyme pattern is a good idea in adding emphasis. But that first line seems a bit forced in attaining end rhyme.
I'm pleased you maintained the older style you prefer............stan

I have attempted to offer some suggestions this is a form I didn't know and I am still wrapping my head around it I plan to read up a little more later before bed

so here are my first impressions

Through timelines immemorial
mankind has written poems. --- I would have had a comma instead of a full stop here
With wordsmith nigh celestial --- maybe 'high' as an alternative to 'nigh'
he filled nigh endless tomes. --- I wouldn't have repeated 'nigh' so close together

Who wrote the first to poesy shape? --- this line feels awkward it trips over itself when read out loud I think the question mark is superfluous
When did he recognize
the panacea’s posed escape
from all he did despise? --- these next three lines work well in my mind but as I said somewhere else I am still learning the form and structure I hope with a little study later on I can give more constructive crit tomorrow

His epode came before his prose.
He beat the drums aloud.
Heartfelt the elegist knew throes
of joy and pain enshroud. --- I really love this stanza I wouldn't touch it

‘Longside the painter in the cave
the poet sang his song.
He sang of gods and heroes brave
and what he thought was wrong. --- something doesn't sit right with this stanza but I cant put my finger on it

And time would pass, though timeless he.
The balladmonger breathes. --- I thought ballad monger should have been two words [maybe I am wrong] lol
An ending he shall never see.
His verses set the masses free. --- there are too many full stops in this stanza it really needs some serious reworking I have tried to think of alternatives but its beating me at the moment I will keep thinking on it

review request ---

What did you think of my title? --- honestly I am not taken with it let me know if you'd like some alternative ideas

How was my language use? --- your language use fits the theme really well

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing? --- there are a couple of places that need reworking but I think I covered it above

How does this theme appeal to you? --- Yes I am always up to hear a good story well done

How was the beginning/ending of the poem? --- the beginning is good but as I said above the end needs some attention

Is the internal logic consistent? --- very much so

I am trying to be as thorough as I possibly can with limited time tonight I hope I was of some help

love JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

The first comma is good. I will use it. I wouldn't use "high" because poetry is not "high celestial". It falls short of the music the angels make. I repeated nigh in an attempt to use some repetition as I don't usually do so. Call it "stretching".
It's not really a form. More just a long line followed by a slightly shorter one. That's all. An epode is more traditionally described as that last part of an "ode". It follows the "strophe" and "antistrophe".
The second stanza is generally cumbersome and I don't like it. I will work on it.
"Balladmonger" is one word in my dictionary, so I went with it.
As for the title... I hate the things and hence I'm bad at it. Suggest something. Anything.
You are as thorough as I could desire. I do so love the nuts and bolts.
Personally, I think it is "missing" something. A little more length with a description of our first poet fleshed out.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

The right title would do the job of indicating this is the first poet.............stan

but what is your title? I have no talent at that.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

How 'bout "Progenitor" ?

Will come back tomorrow to read! It's half eleven here so I'm a bit tired! But on first read it looks good.

Love Mand xxxxx

At last - I've made it. I was impressed with your use of language. You yourself are a wordsmith. I like the point you make in your poem!

I have read some of the comments above. I'm not very knowledgeable when it comes to the format of this type of poetry - so I will leave the suggestions to those who are in the know. ( sorry I'm not being very helpful )

I thoroughly enjoyed the poem - it is of a high standard and the language you use is something to be emulated.

Keep safe

Love Mand xxxxxx

An epode is one of two things. Either the last stanza of an Ode or a poem with alternating lines of Trimeter (three poetic feet per verse) and Dimeter (two feet per verse). Mine is Tetrameter (four feet) and Trimeter (three).
So it isn't a big deal as a poetic form.
Don't sweat not knowing. Simply take each new piece of information and tuck it away. In time you will be teaching workshops. Your poetry is certainly good enough to tell me that.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

I will look into what you have said - and try to store it in my memory. Me a teacher! what a lovely though - one that I'd like to see come to fruition - but I have a looong way to go. Still it's a goal.

Love Mand xxxxx

Remember this old adage if you have not already heard it-

The best way to learn something... is to teach it.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

"He beat the drums aloud." is used an allegory to mean he had a loud voice.

"His verses set the masses free."(
PS, there is an opened bracket . Is it intentional?

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

but it works. I will explain why in two more poetic concepts (in other not the next one, but the one after... oh, did you think the workshop was winding down? Not at all my dear. Some of the concepts to follow will be truly Olympic Pool type concepts. I hope you and everyone else are ready for something intermediate.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

Looks like you actually caught me in a typographical error. Man, am I embarrassed.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

My reading.
Please forgive faults and errors,
I'm trying to do a reading for everyone in the workshop.
http://vocaroo.com/i/s1T3e1GzvhQ6

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

... than what I wrote.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment
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