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The Enemy Within

Beware!

When envy leaks from your heart,
the soul will be poisoned.
The conflict will spread to the mind,
turning your words into venom.

Peace will hang by a thread,
time will taunt you into action.
When the truth is replaced
by mere speculations
and all that you have
are unproven assumptions,
do not lay down your guard.
For there within the shadows,
the enemy returns.

If you look away,
you're in self-denial.
Don't let envy sway
your will to excel.
Face the enemy
within.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

just thought there are many "him(s)" in the last stanza.
Also some triming would make it more powerful, I believe.
My thoughts, but it is finally the author who knows more.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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I've tried to trim the last stanza first. What do you think. By the way, I need your feedback for my edited poem "Phoenix".

Alid

author comment

write one on

SOUL

on which u believe
so religiously
lets see what soul is ..

IGNORANT FOLKS LIKE ME

soul? I can try but don't expect accuracy. You are asking me to write on a subject that even the muslim scholars couldn't know a hundred percent!

Alid

author comment

I want to hear from you
as an individual entity
knowledgeable one

Your own personal belief and evaluation
to convince dwarfed ones
like me
as you know it

but I' m not trying to convince anyone, Just sharing my belief. Whether you want to believe or not, that is up to you. Anyway, since you've asked I can comply as one who shares, I'll take it as a challenge since I've never really write about soul as a theme. Convincing you? Well you need to ask the scholars, not me. fair enough?

Alid

author comment

so I've likely missed a lot of your poems.
This one is good. One suggestion.
I'm assuming in this instance the enemy is envy. It would improve clarity (I think) to mention this once again half way down.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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Thank you for the visit and the comment, sir.

Alid

author comment

I still would make more culling of

"Face him,
the enemy within"

to be

Face the enemy
within.

Just me

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

Thank you for the visit and the suggestion. Done the edit.

Alid

author comment
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