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End Days

Submitted by judyanne on Fri, 2012-04-27 14:31

 

Reflecting pools of glistening memories,

there'll be a golden octave reaching down.

'Twill signal final end to all our quandaries,

so when the man they talk of comes around.

 

There’ll be a golden octave reaching down,

this universe of ashes will go Home,

soft liquid shimmers, silent lights resound,

as angels will affirm shalam shalom.

 

'Twill signal final end to all our quandaries

when we are reacquainted with our guru -

the Teacher of the era known as Pisces -

and everything that's old will be made new.

 

So, when the man they talk of comes around

we'll suddenly, as one, find harmony?

Another reason we were sent from Eden -

denying our responsibility.

 

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Last few words: 
'When the man they talk of comes around' - Johnny Cash ........ The Retourne, like so many other French forms, is all about repetition. It contains four quatrains. The first stanza's second line must also be the second stanza's first line; the first stanza's third line is the third stanza's first, and the first stanza's fourth line is the fourth stanza's first. Retournes do not have to rhyme. .
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft

Comments

magics02

Fri, 2012-04-27 14:50

I love this poem. I had tears in my eyes as I read it. Very good writing honey and miss reading your work. Do you have a book out again yet? Let me know. I have not written much lately but soon hope to get my muse going again.

I love this so much:

Reflecting pools of glistening memories,

there'll be a golden octave reaching down.

'Twill signal final end to all our quandaries,

so when the man they talk of comes around.

Reflecting pools gives me a fine picture and feeling in this poem

Great job nothing to change! It is you and your soul at work through words.

Lovely Ms Judy

Be Happy xoxo

judyanne

Sat, 2012-04-28 12:24

judyanne's picture
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for the lovely comments and for telling me which verse you liked best...
lol - no no more books...
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

magics02

Sat, 2012-04-28 19:56

Judy. I really liked the thoughts I got from this poem. Good Job,

Roscoe Lane

Fri, 2012-04-27 15:44

Roscoe Lane's picture

Beginning to worry, this is the second poem i've read talking about when our time is up. Is there something you's have not told me, lol. no sorry great poem. Love Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

judyanne

Sat, 2012-04-28 12:26

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thanks roscoe for the great comment
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

weirdelf

Fri, 2012-04-27 16:09

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Beautiful, profound poetry. I've tried but I can't find any crit that would add rather than take away.

Thanks, I haven't felt so much for a poem for a long time.

p.s. do I get the feeling someone around here is feeling paranoid?

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

weirdelf

Sat, 2012-04-28 04:34

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Hate italics.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

judyanne

Sat, 2012-04-28 12:32

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do you feel better now?

thanks for the awesome comment jess...

oh i'm so very glad you found fault, i don't think i could've written another thing again ever for fear of never coming up to scratch if you hadn't found a crit xxx lol

i used the italics to distinguish the first three verses from the voice in the fourth stanza
- any suggestions? i preferred the normal text for that voice....

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Ian.T

Sat, 2012-04-28 06:41

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We learn something each day and today through this lovely write we learned
all about Retourne's and their format.
You did a lovely job here and it read so well, you even gave the Elf Goose bumps this is beyond thought but brings a lovely picture of an Elf sitting cross legged on a large toadstool with lots of lovely Goose bumps LOL,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

judyanne

Sat, 2012-04-28 12:35

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i reckon he gets goose bumps more often than he lets on - he's really just a big softy underneath it all you know

thanks so much for the supportive comment
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Kailashana2

Sat, 2012-04-28 07:44

I love Johnny's song. The man knew. Thank you for taking me down his/our road.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9IfHDi-2EA

judyanne

Sat, 2012-04-28 12:38

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being a fan of johnny's you would've probably noticed the other allusions to the song within the write
thanks so much for the link to the song ... lol i spent half an hour there listening over and over...
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Nordic cloud

Sat, 2012-04-28 10:46

Nordic cloud's picture

This 'clever' yet intensely interesting poem
is enhanced by your repetition of the lines in the first verse,
a mesmerising of the mind,
making one feel captured in a special manner
like the sudden sight of something unusual and memorable.

Well written impressive judyanne.
annanya.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

judyanne

Sat, 2012-04-28 12:39

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thank you so much for those beautiful and supportive comments
love and hugs
judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment
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