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Empty Frames

Memories not preserved
Skeletons without tendons.

And when time is reversed.
From the beginning,
We can tell the ending.

For there's nothing
To look forward to
In the future
Of a past that was never there.

Memories not preserved
Bones without flesh.

Memories not formed.
Can never be rehearsed.
It is never old,it is never fresh.

For it was never made
It never met time.

So we stare at nothing
Looking past forgotten oblivions
Looking right
Into empty frames.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Inspired by a friend's WhatsApp status: "Empty Frames." Written circa 1254hrs--1315hrs7th August,2013 whiles listening to a song titled "She" by Ed Sheeran & Amy Wadge. I think it sounds better with the song :/
Editing stage: 

Comments

I like this, but could anyone really live without memories? I understand that we might forget some on purpose or unintentionally, but not to have them at all, this sounds a bit weird, but I really liked the writing.
 I would rearrange the lineation for a smoother read but here the decision is yours.

I wrote a little piece the other day about the same theme if you don't mind sharing it with you entitled "lost memories"

I sincerely want
 to remember you,
but every time I try,
 I get only void,

then all my memories
 are left
 frameless.

 

 

 

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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I doubt if it's possible for anyone to live without memories.
However,your poem is somewhat similar to the idea I used to write mine,a bit different though.

I think I didn't communicate it well in my poem; it is about particular memories the character wished they had.Like the memories he would've had if he dated a particular girl he likes so much.So let's just say the girl turned him down and the words of this poem come from the pain that he won't have a chance of making particular memories with her.And when the future comes those memories won't be there,only empty frames of what could have been.

I hope the explanation is good :)

author comment

The title is great, your language is a bit wordy here and there, the rhythm is on the whole very good, and I really like the theme very much. The beginning is good, but its the last verse that really rocks.

This is very good, although somewhat prosaic in spots. Take some time to rewrite this by cutting as many words as possible, and you'll have a little gem here.

For example,
.
"For there's nothing
To look forward to
In the future
Of a past that was never there."
.
"Of a past that was never there" at the end of the stanza doesn't fit the cadence. It stutters and stops, after the rest of the stanza flows very well.
.
"For there's nothing
To look forward to
In the future
Of a past that never was"
.
There are the same number of sylllables in each line, but the different wording, removing 'there', makes the cadence much smoother, and gives the stanza more emotional impact.
.
Edit your poem along these lines, and this will go from good to most excellent.
.
Hope this helps.
.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

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Wow,I love your critique :). It's really helpful,thanks a lot Jim :)

author comment
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