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Emily-moment
There is a paper boat
on my desk.
It is reflected in the glass
like in a calm lake.
It carries a poem on board.
The poem number
nine hundred forty six
I can still see
some of the words
on the top deck
“It is an honorable Thought”.
The rest is hidden in the folds.
I’ll take the boat.
I’ll pull the anchor from the ink,
defying death and angry silt
I will take off,
and I will read
the poem
leaving all my sorry-selves
from hopeful youth to older versions
behind
to trot along bookshelves.
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
Last few words:
I wrote about reading a poem “It is an honorable Thought…” (946)
by Emily Dickinson
Here is a full text of her poem:
It is an honorable Thought
And makes One lift One’s Hat
As One met sudden Gentlefolk
Upon a daily Street
That We’ve immortal Place
Though Pyramids decay
And Kingdoms, like the Orchard
Flit Russetly away
Editing stage:
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Region & Country
Washington DC
Favorite Poets
Matsuo Bashō, Sylvia Plath, Charles Bukowski, TS Eliot, William Carlos Williams, Joseph Brodsky, Boris Pasternak, DH Lawrence, Robert Frost
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Comments
raj
Sun, 2018-07-01 04:39
Thanks IRiz for serving a
Thanks IRiz for serving a double treat one from you and the other from Emily Dickinson...I especially liked the line "the rest is hidden in the folds"...and good visual impact of
There is a paper boat
on my desk.
It is reflected in the glass
like in the calm lake.
................................................................................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
IRiz
Sun, 2018-07-01 08:28
Thank you, Raj!
Thank you, Raj!
Your comment is much appreciated.
IRiz
author commentgregwa8
Wed, 2018-07-04 00:34
I too, liked the first image,
I too, liked the first image, of the boat reflected in the glass "like in the calm lake". Emily Dickinson can certainly send you on a journey, a sea of ink. this poem is an honorable thought.
greg
IRiz
Wed, 2018-07-04 10:43
Oh! Thank you for reading my
Oh! Thank you for reading my poem.
IRiz
author commentweirdelf
Sat, 2018-07-07 19:22
I never quite got Emily.
Gonna have to re-read.
Any particular recommendations?
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
IRiz
Sat, 2018-07-07 23:02
Hi Jess,
Hi Jess,
William Luce's one-woman play, The Belle of Amherst was a key for me to Emily Dickinson.
The play has a unique mix of biographical prose and Dickinson's poetry.
IRiz
author commentweirdelf
Sat, 2018-07-14 19:08
Back to this,
I think the first stanza could be condensed a little, it feels a tad prosaic, whilst the second stanza really takes off with the metaphor.
As per your request some suggestions on what is not grammatically incorrect but sounds like second-language English-
like in the calm lake.
like in a calm lake.
I’ll pull an anchor from the ink,
I’ll pull anchor from the ink,
or
I’ll pull the anchor from the ink,
or, the nautical term
I’ll weigh anchor from the ink,
I don't usually like reflexive works on poetry but you sail away successfully with this one. My reading-
https://vocaroo.com/i/s18RRG9wp55L
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
IRiz
Sun, 2018-07-15 00:33
Jess,
Jess,
Thank you for the corrections.
It helps a lot.
Your reading is the best treat.
IRiz
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