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Elise(Dramatic Workshop Part Two)

Alise: What then shall I leave for you
when I am dead

Michael: The pillow beneath your lovely head
for it holds the essence of your tears
the lingering fragrance of your hair

Alise: Then take it now before I am gone
my plan is for my soul to go on

Michael: Do not speak of such horrid things
what would you like me to do with your rings

Alsie: Give them to your new love to be
from this moment on
I set you free

Michael: I scoff at your depraved sense of wit
you act as if I don't give a sh.......

Alise: How long have I listened to all of your lies
even calling them alibis

Michael:Then will you haunt me from your grave
tell me now for your blood do I crave

Alise:And there it is
I knew all along in the living world you do not belong

Michael:But what is this?
A cross and a stake

Alise: Yes and it is your everlasting life
I now take

* and with those last words she drives the stake into his heart

Editing stage: 

Comments

I believe I felt that stake going in at the end! You trapped a moment of time between these two characters that pretty much sums up their relationship to one another! That in itself is an achievement to be proud of!

Well, number one... it is dramatic verse. A play format told in a poetic form, but...
holy shit.
I will confess to being caught completely off guard. It just sort of rolled down hill in a direction unexpected and left me shaking my head.
This is really kind of cool.
It needs to be longer.
That's all I suggest...
more.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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Caught me by surprise too lol! You might want to read this out loud and see if you find a few slips in the flow......stan

thanks and will do only found one glitch and I've corrected it

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

author comment

got a lot going on especially Monday but hey I'll give it some thought

your reaction had me laughing so hard I cried goodness
well I'll see what I can do with it, That much alone was major lol
thank you so much for that vote of confidence

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

author comment

You have captured a very dramatic moment in the life of a couple and narrated it in poetic verses which held me captive as the drama unfolded with an anti climax at the end. I would disagree with the suggestion to make it longer. I feel it has all the elements of a good drama beginning with a light sentimental conversation and concluding with an anticlimax of sorts.....

Regards...

raj (sublime_ocean)

Thank you

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

author comment

I never go beach combing in Whitby lol
A grand write full of surprises.
Forgot to say this would make a really good scene in a play lots of tomato ketchup and ask dust, LOL

Made Wesley get his bible out lol.
Great, Take care yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

LOL thanks much

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

author comment

I guess I wished for a happy end, but this was great for its unexpected ending.
It is really good!

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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Many thanks I guess I was not in the mood for a hapy ending lol sorry about that

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

author comment

I loved the ending but if the title is the name of the vampire slayer, then you have misspelled it.Other than that, its a real pleasure to read this one.

Alid

there is no mis pelling it is just a name no one in particular
thanks for the comment

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

author comment

(and I could be wrong) that it refers to Beethoven's young protégé. Come back?

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

I did not have anyone in mind just the name

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

author comment

acceptable.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

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