Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Egged On...

There are vicious little critters
Thought Killer to himself
They’ll jump you in a minute
Like that hairy little elf

Just a jiving little be-bop
Playing eleven games
Misfit, hairy, fuck-up
To give him several names

That’s OK, says Killer
I’ve never eaten elf
But, there always is a first time
I can can him for the shelf

Keep him for a rainy day
When I need something new
Tenderize him with a pounding
Make him easier to chew

Shall I pickle him with alcohol
Or make him sweet and sour?
Boil, bake or fry him
Wrapped in egg and flour

What a tasty little morsel
I bet that he will be
Just have to figure out
How to serve him up with tea

Slice him up in cutlets
Slather him with jam?
Parboil the little fucker
Serve him up with yams

Put him in the oven
Make a sauce that’s hot
Use interesting ingredients
Use whiskey; couple shots!

First, you need to wring his neck
Tie his hands behind his back
Truss him like a turkey
Use pepper, red and black

Stuff his ass with real good weed
Sew it all up tight
Brown him in the oven
Make gravy; do it right!

I bet he’ll be delicious!
It’s got me wondering now
Will he taste like sturgeon?
Or a sacred cow?

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 

Comments

this would have a special taste Gee if your man is adding some ketchup too.
Seems like Mr.killer has some scary plans for the elf. I'd better warn that little man. :)
So nice to be the first here to read you Gee!

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

Hey dear friend Rula...so good to see you...were you hibernating through winter?...

Tell you what, submit something for the February contest and join the Sunku Workshop being conducted by IRis and Weirdelf..

Good to see you back...

raj (sublime_ocean)

Raj. I've already joined the workshop, but I am not sure if I can really be active after this long period of hibernation :)
Hope something would inspire my muse in its sleepy mood.
Thanks again.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

Any feeling can find a place in Sunku, including your hesitation of not being able to write or fear not to fit in. Those especially will find a recognition in the hearts of poets. Just give it a go, my dear. We can write something together for a start if you would like that. Anyway, step by anytime you are welcomed.

IRiz

I really appreciate your generous offer. Maybe some time after you conclude your WS.

PS. Gee sorry for attacking your thread.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

You can't get away for too long. I know you have a lot of spice and ingredient for more delicious cookies to add to the menu of Sunku. Hungry for more of your recipes. Get going please..

Cheers!

raj (sublime_ocean)

Your words of encouragement are very much appreciated. I hate to disappoint anyone of my friends but seems that the family responsibilities are taking most of my time and give me very little space to do poetry. However, I will always be grateful for your kind thoughts and support.
I have just submitted a sunku.
Can't thank you enough dear raj.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

No thanks please. Not a big deal to share goodies with friends, which is why i shared information about the Sunku Work Shop. I am aware about love for poetry, your getting groomed by Wesley whom I remember was your Mentor and of course your active presence in Neopoet over the years.

I hope whatever is keeping you away from poetry in the current spell makes way to enable you to once again participate actively..

take care and keep in touch as much as you possibly can...

raj (sublime_ocean)

IRiz has already provided an answer. So go for it...i know you are talented and would be able to quickly come up with a great Sunku...

Cheers!

raj (sublime_ocean)

Nice to see you too! Hope that your vacation was a good one. Missed you!

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

author comment

Gosh what a recipe cooked out of sheer imagination and garnished with humor....had me laughing and enjoying it and tossing it up and down

regards...

raj (sublime_ocean)

Glad you liked it! I had no idea that you were a big Killer fan! ~ Geezer.
.

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

author comment

I can't stop laughing...oh how I love killer! The flow and rhyme was good as well....love it

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

Figured you need a Killer boost. Maybe get the juice flowing. ~ Gee.
.

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

author comment

Didnt even realize there was a poem in basically conversation. I am always up for a killer adventure.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

Why do you thing we a so rare? Even when well done.

You said this was inspired by my Woodpecker post on Facebook so I thought it was going to be about blowing shit up. Never mind. Thoroughly enjoyed it.

Once I understood it (at first I thought it was a typo, people don't can things any more) got a giggle from the line-
I can can him for the shelf
I could almost see Killer whistling and dancing a merry cancan whilst pickling bits of elf.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

what is a little fun among friends? The image of Killer doing a can-can gave me quite a chuckle and I truly could see in mind's eye; him whistling and lifting his legs to the bubbling sound of the pot of boiling water that he had you in. Gee.
.

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

author comment

Since you said this was inspired by my Facebook post, and it is not about blowing shit up, it is clearly about Killer's (your) anger at the elf (me) for calling you once again as ' moral man'. Reacting in a moralistic way to something I said just like the ex-pastor or ex-deacon or whatever you are. Fuck you!
Whenever you react with knee-jerk moralising I will call you on it, count it it.
And to be clear, fuck you and all moralising pricks.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

Surprised that it took you so long! I was beginning to think I got away clean! Guess your meds must have kicked in. Lol. Ex-deacon or whatever? WTF you talking about? Anyhow, like I said it was all in good fun, I really do like you and yes, I am a moral man. Sorry to be so knee-jerking about it. ~ Gee.
.

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

author comment

Crikey, we've tolerated and even enjoyed each other for many years. We made a great chat team, I'm looking forward to chat getting up again.
A few more insults doesn't change things in my mind.
By the way, the meds didn't just kick in, they are inadequate to the task of a particularly severe manic episode and I'm doing pretty well. The only persona I have really abused so far is Mario, and he deserves a lot more of my brand of honesty.

When I wrote a poem about the death of my soul mate, Jason, five years ago, I thought it was you that left a comment saying that eulogies should never refer to oneself as you have some experience as a deacon or something giving them. Was that not you? Elves have long, though not necessarily completely accurate, memories.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

although I have given a few eulogies and may have said so. OK, let's bury the hatchet. [No, not in the back of his skull, Killer]. I was discussing the chat scene with someone else recently and they were very interested in reviving Chat on The Darkside. I think that it could be a real good thing. Maybe revise the format to having an open chat 24-7, where you can come to regular chat hours or chime in whenever you are at your best. I know that it is a burden to some of our poets who live half-way around the world and as many as a half-dozen time zones away. Cheers, Gee.
.

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

author comment

You two are crazy bunch!
When are you going to turn to serious matters?
I need your talents to convince me that the world has its beuatiful side. Mouths are not only for eating! Show me your real faces. Don't be afraid to sound less wierd. Elevate me above chuckles.
(If I sound like a mother, forgive me, it happens to me often, I was born an older sister, but I mean it. Help me to develop an art of raising above mundane using English as a universal language.)

IRiz

you don't get out much. These are our real faces. As to development of a form that rises above the mundane. I do believe that you have struck a chord here with your Sunku. Those of us who have tried and liked it, just need a bit of time to acquire a Zen-like demeanor. Lol. I am aware that there are some forms of Japanese poetry and probably others which ask that the form be expressed in a certain manner. I just am not sure that I want to be required to utilize emotions of sweetness and light to overcome our darkside. I think you have done pretty good job, and hope that you will decide to keep running the workshop and try to understand that there are those of us that will always be on the fringes of [normal] behavior and outlaws. ~ Geezer.
.

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

author comment

Dear Geezer,
You do not have to write sweet and light to be poetic.
Here is example of a famous haiku, I love it it is not sweet but it is real it comes from the heart, it is Zen to me

it penetrates my being -
stepping on the comb
of my dead wife

Here another, one of my most loved

going to sleep
I hide in myself -
winter seclusion

I have more examples here,
I guess the best way to make the point is to show poems I like
https://plus.google.com/collection/AcozEE

IRiz

I ran
traveled fast
post Hiroshima

Fired black
glazed shadows
everyone gone

also Zen:

Flower
dragon's breath
turn to grey puffs

Awestruck
church silence
moody again

Just being obstinate, I do occasionally write sweetness and light and reality and in my own way make sense of Killer's exploits. He does usually save someone or at least rid the world of another monster. He really is a good guy. I think that if you are going to make this form a reality, that it should keep to the set of rules that were set in the guidelines. Syllabi in the two-three and four. It makes sense to have it conform, at least in that manner. ~ Geezer.
.

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

author comment

Yes I agree with you about the structure of sunku. Let's stick to it. However recently I noticed that flipping two last lines making them 4-3 structure in the last stanza brings more emphasis to the end.
I gave examples of sad haiku to reinforce your point that sunku has to be open to any content, mood, subjects. The sadness and anger can be transformed through sunku.
I am also thinking now about triads of images that give you a hint about one common thing, without naming it directly it makes a reader to guess the meaning and smile with pleasure.
Maybe at the end we can give that expected answer.
For example, ups later. Have to go

IRiz

my motherly eggs are boiling, i've an appetite for sex.
i'll ascertain a pee-pee, see what muscle he can flex:

"i can't swim for caviar"

it were much like a triathlon
without the bikes and running
but from the 'bang' me goal were clear:
for gold i would be gunning

though why and how, and for what
i'd not a clue or notion
as headlong down a tube were forced
to set ourselves in motion

where many, whom i only guess
had a death wish or were dim,
had not the least wherewithal
of what to do to swim

and countless more went awol
or into spasm mode
as if curled-up with heartburn
and lightening the load

that still ran out to millions
as we swam the final leg
-and i can't swim for caviar
but can i crack an egg!

OOPS!....

Best wishes....val

I enjoyed! Thanks. ~ Geezer.
.

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

author comment

for some reason I keep coming up with a blank page. Tried it a few times, no luck. Would liked to have seen this one.

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

author comment

There are often problems with links, many poets are so ludditish as to not even know what to do with them, and some, like me, won't give feedback on other sites on general principle.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.