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Edna's Advice to Would-be Lotharios

Women sometimes need a little gentle coaxing
To get them in the mood for rumpy-pumpy,
But contrary to widespread male opinion
Prawn Vindaloo is not an surefire aphrodisiac
Especially when washed down with seven pints of ale,
Or a bottle or two of old rare cheapo brandy
As this can cause a bit of unseemly regurgitation
And can lead to unfortunate flatulence or worse.

Lads! I wager many of you can recall a balmy evening
When the back seats of your car stunk like a cesspit
And your best mohair suit displayed an exciting conglomeration
Of dubiously unhealthy stains around the crotch department.
No wonder your latest lady friend turned you down with a sneer -
You might well have fared rather better in the legover stakes
Had you put less faith in the power of Old Spice aftershave and
Cleansed your body of last month's sweat and smegma.

Another crucial thing for the modern Don Juan to remember:
Always keep some dental floss in your trouser pocket
As rampant egregious halitosis caused by rancid lumps
Of rotting food (and last week's stubborn pubic hairs)
Can sometimes be a turnoff for the more discerning female.
Even when there's a few free drinks and a takeaway burger
In the offing or even (perish the thought) a bit of ready cash,
A lady may prefer to go without rather than suffer a noisome stench.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
This is a total re-write of a nice poem I posted here a month ago. I took the fact that no one commented on it all over four weeks to mean it was too bad to merit even harsh but helpful criticism. I trust the new version will be acclaimed left, right and centre as useful and heartfelt advice to the Romeos of the 21st century.
Editing stage: 

Comments

You make my heart glad, with your tips on the merits of keeping a sparkling clean person, whilst seeking a bit of romance.
Your friendly demeanor and classy language, make for a wildly popular engagement with the [opposite] sex. I just know that you will make this work a testament to your efforts to bring some civilization to a rather tricky subject. Congrats, on a magical work! ~ Geezer.
.

Come to chat every Thursday - 3:30 to 4:30 pm. EST.
With: c Lynn Brooks and Geezer

...by your kind words. It is indeed gratifying to realise that the great unwashed lovers of the world may yet see reason - a splash of water under the arches may well be a great step forward for mankind and may well lead to the abandonment of clothes pegs on the noses of millions of sex-starved ladies.
.

xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment

...by your kind words. It is indeed gratifying to realise that the great unwashed lovers of the world may yet see reason - a splash of water under the arches may well be a great step forward for mankind and may well lead to the abandonment of clothes pegs on the noses of millions of sex-starved ladies.
.

xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment
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