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(Eddy Styx) Liberator
"Liberator"
Under a street lamp
within its sickly yellow glow,
she found me starving.
Looking deeply into
my famished eyes,
"I'll feed you." She said,
"In return, you must feed me...
what is it you're craving?"
I replied
with digits twitching,
"I want to touch my fingers
to that translucent, milky shadow,
Ahhhhh...
just there
at the base of your throat
where the pulse
beats like butterfly wings
and I want to taste the death
from your lips..."
*eddy styx is my male alter ego
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Northwestern Wisconsin USA
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Comments
Hooded Stranger
Mon, 2010-11-29 11:03
Cat
Cat,
great Eddy poem...the opening stanza reminds me of the front cover of 'The Book of Styx'...I can see him wearing that hat and the street lights casting his shadow across his face and victim.
Second stanza....perfectly Styx.
He is an evil bastard!...I love him.
Great imagery...well haunting actually!
Good job,
HS
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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.
Candlewitch
Tue, 2010-11-30 12:39
Dear Dan
Yes, eddy is truly an evil bastard. He is best kept in the shadows. Thanks always for your input and insight.
always, cat/eddy
When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!
"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/
author commentraj
Mon, 2010-11-29 11:26
Dear Cat...
a haunting..captivating write ...
the following lines are truly pulsating ..
"I want to touch my fingers
to that translucent, milky shadow,
Ahhhhh...
just there
at the base of your throat
where the pulse
beats like butterfly wings
And I want to taste the death
from your lips..."
warmly...
raj (sublime_ocean)
Candlewitch
Tue, 2010-11-30 12:38
Dear raj
Thank you for sharing with me that which you enjoyed!
always, cat/eddy
When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!
"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/
author commentDalton
Mon, 2010-11-29 12:06
Dear Candlewitch
I like this very much from your male alter ego, Sometimes I like to write also from the female perspective if that is possible as a man. So much beauty I can't pick out what I love the most. And there are no corrections I could offer. A joy to read. JohnXxx
Candlewitch
Tue, 2010-11-30 12:42
Dear Dalton
Thank you for telling me that you like to occasionally write from the female perspective. I think taking on the opposite view stretches us as writers.
always, cat/eddy
When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!
"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/
author commentCandlewitch
Tue, 2010-11-30 12:44
Hi Chrys
We are so glad you enjoyed this write!
love, cat/eddy
When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!
"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/
author commentKailashana2
Mon, 2010-11-29 18:01
This is so damned exquisitely
This is so damned exquisitely sensual. Interesting observation I've made about myself with this poem, Cat. I notice I rarely put myself in the killer's role, identifying mostly with the desire to surrender and be sacrificed. Hmmm.
Thanks for being you (and Eddy).
~
Candlewitch
Tue, 2010-11-30 12:46
Dear Anna,
Interesting observation! It just proves that you are a sweet and tender soul.
love, cat/eddy
When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!
"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/
author commentlou
Mon, 2010-11-29 19:37
Cat
This is so beautfully discriptive, I love it .
Love as always Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
Candlewitch
Tue, 2010-11-30 12:48
Dear lou,
I am pleased to have entertained you.
love, cat/eddy
When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!
"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/
author commentRace_9togo
Mon, 2010-11-29 19:52
Cat
Wow. Liberator is an excellent title, descriptive and disquieting. It fits wonderfully with the sheer squirming insanity of Mr. Styx.
Says a lot about Eddy's motivations for murder, heehee.
Cannot fault the rest, except to say, maybe, some punctuation is needed at the end, or maybe just make "And" smallcap?
There's that cold finger down my spine again.
Respectfully, Jim
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
Candlewitch
Tue, 2010-11-30 12:53
Dear Jim,
Some how my response to you turned up under Rosina's post.
always, cat/eddy
When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!
"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/
author commentCandlewitch
Tue, 2010-11-30 12:57
Dear Rosina.
"The Vampire Diaries," I will have to check them out. Sounds like something right up my alley! Thanks for the thumbs up!
love, cat/eddy
When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!
"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/
author commentCandlewitch
Tue, 2010-11-30 12:51
Dear Jim,
Thanks for the suggestions, I have small capped "and" I am so pleased that you enjoyed the read!
always, cat/eddy
When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!
"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/
author commenthobo
Tue, 2010-11-30 16:30
your alter ego
well your alter ego writes pretty darn good lol. nice write
You can never pick anyone up if you are busy putting them down
Candlewitch
Thu, 2010-12-02 14:07
Hello hobo,
Thank you for the nice compliment!
always, eddy/cat
When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!
"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/
author commentCandlewitch
Fri, 2010-12-10 11:32
Dear Jayne-Chloe
Thanks for your vote of confidence on this piece. I hope that all is well with you. You take all the time that you need. Hope to see you again soon.
Love, Cat
When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!
"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/
author commentziggy
Mon, 2010-12-27 17:03
hi
hi cat wonderfully worded , no lines to quote as to my
fav as it is all fantastically dark , its title seems perfect ,,,,,zigs
I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.