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Echo on a Cliff

Submitted by loved on Fri, 2012-02-03 10:58

The horizon is far
yet not distant enough,
We surf our ways across the seas,
we fly over sand dunes
and
surpass all eventualities…

None is brave enough,
to place a boulder
nor a hand upon our shoulder,
to prevent our movement
from darkness to light

We are the torch bearers
of a midnight storm
We can create history
and
in reverie slumber,
those who thought
they were upper most,
down the cliffs of no return ,
lost in the dungeons of everlasting misery
rotting beneath the great fallen tree
Unheard! So be it.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Nordic cloud

Sun, 2012-02-05 11:36

Nordic cloud's picture

This is good.

A boulder on our shoulder?- a little contrived poetically too.
Do we wish to be prevented from the light?
A little unclear in meaning in places.

The title is great.

Ann.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

loved

Sun, 2012-02-05 12:46

loved's picture

Could you kindly suggest a better clarity?
In the portions constrained
As you say
What I want to say is
Like in Solomon and Delilah,
the slaves were made to pull stones,
Which we want others to avoid
weakening our knees,
As we seek to emerge
from the darkness to enlightenment

loved

author comment

Nordic cloud

Sun, 2012-02-05 14:29

Nordic cloud's picture

I am not clever enough to understand what you mean, I rarely understand what you mean, sorry. Ann

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

loved

Sun, 2012-02-05 23:30

loved's picture

sad .

loved

author comment

Nordic cloud

Mon, 2012-02-06 02:30

Nordic cloud's picture

On rereading I find this just right as it is. Ann.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

loved

Mon, 2012-02-06 07:22

loved's picture

Thanks

loved

author comment

loved

Mon, 2012-02-06 21:04

loved's picture

for my teary eyes,
to note that my ma'am
has paid so many visits

It catches
anyone's eye
hopefully

loved

author comment

loved

Fri, 2012-08-31 13:38

loved's picture

the fathoms of poetric volumes
flown down the stream..
as having been written
a has been

loved

author comment

Esker

Sat, 2012-09-01 00:31

Esker's picture

culled away from the more expressive of your works
Vanguard ones I would call those
and there is nothing wrong with Titillating
But this one has a more serious drop zone feel
about it without it pandering into too moody
a piece of to be set aside as a forewarning work

"boulder shoulder.."
"Unheard so be it"

I really like these lines worked into the work
it has a nice classic feel to it
there is just enough of that tension in it

Thank You

loved

Sat, 2012-09-01 00:41

loved's picture

you version of my work
makes me feel

like I'm a real poet

albeit a hobbyist at best..

Thanks ...this poem has been already transformed
into cards by someone
as GREETINGS

loved

author comment

Ian.T

Sat, 2012-09-01 18:26

Ian.T's picture
Volunteer badge

You see that the Poem you have edited and let resurface is very good,
I have read it a couple of times and find it has a few meanings, mostley of your fears and other things but that is poetry..
It is late young Bard so will just say great work, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

loved

Sun, 2012-09-02 00:41

loved's picture

regards

loved

author comment
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