Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

The Early Vagabond

In the not so distant future
from a past not far away

where the "twain" does meet and greet the early dawn;

and the "well at purse" can do no worse
but fetch a castle high;

with his minions outside shivering on the lawn,
hence greet the early vagabond.

Back then the primitive did hail
we've not flagged too far since

obligated and elated either way;

but you tell me if you'd agree
if we'd have half a chance

with his minions outside hovering through the grey;
the early vagabond has finally learned to pray.

My vision blurs my eyes grow tired
and we haven't much light left,

fire at will or let your eyes be still with love,

we're not impressed if that's your best,
guess it's best to be the breeze

with his minions all circling high above;
early vagabonds had spirits like the dove.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

Your title drew me in and your gentle rhyming and structure held my interest. I liked these lines best:

with his minions outside hovering through the grey;
the early vagabond has finally learned to pray.

My vision blurs my eyes grow tired
and we haven't much light left,

always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

...for your very generous remarks.
sincerely,
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.